It's been a while...

So guess what guys? I got engaged! Not only that...but I got married too. I've also changed jobs...twice! Well I have been away for a pretty long while.

It's kind of been a funny time. All of it.

I got pretty close to getting the job I'd asked the universe for. I was in a challenging environment and enjoyed most days, even though they were long and constantly full. I also had a man friend. And then he popped the question. And then I said "yes".

So after a few days of being on cloud 9, (for 2 weeks we celebrated with daily bubbles), I went back to work. I had happy news to share! But oh... I've been in this job for a few months. Surely they'll now think I would soon want children too. That my mind will be on other things. That there's not a long term place for me...

I'm sure that these thoughts were pretty irrational, but I was thinking them. My career was almost where I wanted it to be. I wanted people to see me as ambitious. I wanted them to see me as  strong, and professional. Not a woman who was full of cupcakes and flowers and who couldn't wait to make babies.

Why was I so bothered?

I guess the truth was, that whether I was ready or sure about starting a family, I knew that I wasn't in a position to hold out for long, so it would be inevitable that it was on the cards. I couldn't deny that. Although of course I was never asked to by my managers (my colleagues were another matter!) but were they thinking it? Did they see me as a risk? Why did I see me as a risk?

After some ridiculous paranoia, and plenty of other things to keep my mind on other things, you'd think that I'd have forgotten about it...now I'm married I'm just waiting for the "I told you so" and "it was only a matter of time" when one day I am blessed with the little patter...

It's tough for women. We know that everything has to change when issue arrive, and inevitably no matter how much we or the men in our lives Lean In, we are the ones who have to make the hardest choices and convince our peers that we're still worthy of our positions...there is no doubt that it's harder for women to keep a career when life takes over...

A question of sport...read on, it gets sexy...

Who'd have thought sports pages could be so interesting!

Through no fault of her own, rather than get on and do the job she trained to do, the now well known Sian Massey is at the centre of a high profile scandal, following inappropriate (and undeserved) comments regarding her ability to referee football matches, because according to the "experts", its a man's job.

Massey was to assist the referee in this week's Crewe v Bradford game, but was "withdrawn" from her duties. This weekend she was to work, but has been withdrawn from duties once again, because it would be "unfair on the clubs".

There has been a backlash against the dismissal of Andy Gray and subsequent resignation of Richard Keys, but lets face it, Sky didn't really have a choice if it did not deal with the issue once it was made public unless it wanted to be accused of third party harassment. According to some of our fine nation's best loved celebrities, this kind of banter is normal, and restricting people so that they couldn't have a laugh and a joke in such a way would ruin the fun.

Bruce Forsyth is quoted in the Daily Mail as saying, ‘We all say things. We’re all cursing and saying sexist things. When you’re off camera, you do say these things for a bit of a laugh. But it’s just to relax.’ Charlotte Jackson looks extremely relaxed here.

But there's a bigger picture and more at stake here. This isn't a story about sexism in the work place, restricting freedom of speech or political correctness gone mad. Its by far wider reaching than all of that. This is about diversity in the work place. The number of female sports presenters/the number of female stockbrokers or bankers/the number of female judges/the number of female chief executives...do you see where I'm going? There are obvious barriers to entry for anyone wishing to penetrate a profession which is dominated by people of a particular sex or race. Those who chose to try, chose also to accept and tolerate the kind of banter that is ultimately demeaning, or face career suicide if they speak up. Maybe worse, those who move on to alternative careers or those who have the potential but don't even try.

Sian Massey is inadvertently being punished for being a woman. She didn't make the complaint, or release the footage, but she has been prohibited from doing her job, leaving it to her male (and no less qualified) colleagues instead. I suspect that if you're a Gray supporter, you probably think there's a career for her as a pin up. If you're on Team Massey, maybe a career as a sports presenter (with a sideline in teaching us all the off side rule) beckons. At the very least I hope a lucrative and long career awaits, because at the moment, it is clear that her chosen career has been stalled.

"The market" excuse

You've probably guessed that I'm currently working. And guessed that its not permanent. And know that on the whole, I'm feeling a new kind of optimism which is creating a bubble of interest and demand around me. There is nothing firm in the pipe line, nothing set in stone, not even a firm offer out there yet, but there is movement and I'm slightly bothered. How strategically should I be contemplating these options, and can I afford to think strategically at all?

I have a friend who is in assurance and recently resigned from a position at JP Morgan. She is on the job hunt, and was telling me about how each job should be chosen on the basis that it enhances one's CV. You only move up; or sideways if it is something extremely relevant to your professional/career development.

So what do I do. I know where I would ideally like to be. The potential for it to happen in the next 3 months is there and that is fantastic. However I also know what its like to be unemployed and quite frankly, 3 months on the dole again? No thanks. Not again.

I now find myself in the midst of something extremely interesting which is in no way related to my long term goals (as I currently see them); and it wont make me rich (remember my last post?) Its not even a lawyer role, but it would be a good experience generally. But then what? What happens when I come out at the other end and am back on my tour of law firms cap in hand asking them to take me seriously once again? Will they understand? Will they take into consideration "the market"? "The market" line is getting boring, how long do we think we have left on its shelf life?

And here I am again...balls all up in the air and hoping that this girl can catch...

This could be the end of everything...

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when, you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

These are lyrics from Keane's Somewhere only we know beautifully written and rather poignant for me at the moment.

I've been pretty good recently all things considered, and I'm hoping that the underlying feelings are a blip in my general "I'll be ok" outlook. Problem is, I'm getting impatient (even in the face of a recent flurry of activity - nothing to get excited about - yet). I wont go into too much detail about my personal situation, but I'm starting to feel like my time is limited professionally, if I don't get cracking soon. I need a career.

I am now, officially a legal professional. But now I'm here, I have to face facts that the situation is pretty dire. In the past weeks I've met dual qualified lawyers, real high fliers, who have been out of work for 8+ months. I have to ask myself, can I afford to wait another 8 months to start my professional life, when the reality is, that I've already waited 7 years? I know I that I can't.

The big deal here, is that I'm out of ideas. I'm not sure now, what I am good for. I know I'm clever, hardworking, social and good value for money, but what else other than being a qualified solicitor have I got going for me?

I've subscribed to websites like Monster, Timesonline jobs, Guardianjobs where there are an array of career paths on offer, and I'm trying not to limit myself and keeping an open mind. No joy. But lets say I draft a CV which bags me an interview as an executive something or other. How exactly do I explain away the last 7 years and convince my prospective employer that I'm worth taking a chance on? Maybe I'll know when the time is right.

I'm not sure where this blog post is going, so I'll leave it to you guys. I've hit a wall. There must be jobs/careers that I'd never thought of doing or heard of before. Ideas required...please comment below...