A question of sport...read on, it gets sexy...

Who'd have thought sports pages could be so interesting!

Through no fault of her own, rather than get on and do the job she trained to do, the now well known Sian Massey is at the centre of a high profile scandal, following inappropriate (and undeserved) comments regarding her ability to referee football matches, because according to the "experts", its a man's job.

Massey was to assist the referee in this week's Crewe v Bradford game, but was "withdrawn" from her duties. This weekend she was to work, but has been withdrawn from duties once again, because it would be "unfair on the clubs".

There has been a backlash against the dismissal of Andy Gray and subsequent resignation of Richard Keys, but lets face it, Sky didn't really have a choice if it did not deal with the issue once it was made public unless it wanted to be accused of third party harassment. According to some of our fine nation's best loved celebrities, this kind of banter is normal, and restricting people so that they couldn't have a laugh and a joke in such a way would ruin the fun.

Bruce Forsyth is quoted in the Daily Mail as saying, ‘We all say things. We’re all cursing and saying sexist things. When you’re off camera, you do say these things for a bit of a laugh. But it’s just to relax.’ Charlotte Jackson looks extremely relaxed here.

But there's a bigger picture and more at stake here. This isn't a story about sexism in the work place, restricting freedom of speech or political correctness gone mad. Its by far wider reaching than all of that. This is about diversity in the work place. The number of female sports presenters/the number of female stockbrokers or bankers/the number of female judges/the number of female chief executives...do you see where I'm going? There are obvious barriers to entry for anyone wishing to penetrate a profession which is dominated by people of a particular sex or race. Those who chose to try, chose also to accept and tolerate the kind of banter that is ultimately demeaning, or face career suicide if they speak up. Maybe worse, those who move on to alternative careers or those who have the potential but don't even try.

Sian Massey is inadvertently being punished for being a woman. She didn't make the complaint, or release the footage, but she has been prohibited from doing her job, leaving it to her male (and no less qualified) colleagues instead. I suspect that if you're a Gray supporter, you probably think there's a career for her as a pin up. If you're on Team Massey, maybe a career as a sports presenter (with a sideline in teaching us all the off side rule) beckons. At the very least I hope a lucrative and long career awaits, because at the moment, it is clear that her chosen career has been stalled.

Neglect

I know, I know, I'm sorry I've neglected you dear sweet blog, but I've had to be careful because I've shared more than I should have on Twitter, I'm sure I can be easily "found out" if I haven't been already. Regardless, I'll try my hardest to continue to keep this as true to what has been going on with me and my accompanying thoughts and feelings as possible. So here I go...

I've had cause over the past month to introduce myself as a lawyer. Its been strange and I've stumbled over the words. The reality is, that I've only been a pro bono lawyer, and had one week's worth of work as a lawyer since qualification so I didn't feel like one (more true today than ever before - but that's another story).

Things haven't changed over the break. I am more optimistic generally, but the reason for this renewed energy is twofold (and maybe misguided).

For some strange reason there are people out there who have a determined belief in my abilities and success. These are intelligent people. Some know me well, some know me in passing. Some know my work but many don't. I don't talk the talk, I don't think I'm arrogant, and can't do the whole "biggin' yourself up" thing. I don't invite these comments and I find them embarrassing and the burden to be a success suffocating. How can they be so sure? I figure that if so many people have so much faith in me, the least I can do is accept their compliment and acknowledge that there is something that others see in me that is currently transparent to me. Someone hand me a palm full of powder.

The other reason I've tried to be upbeat is that I have done my sums, and have figured that there is a level of "bad" which is reachable and once that level is reached, the only way things can go is better, or good (or magnificently well but I don't want to get ahead of myself.)

So I'm trying and usually, it works. I have had those niggling doubts (you know the ones, that I got a bit too big for my boots, or that I had those actor type dreams of making it big and in reality I'll end up a bit of a loser, an overqualified waitress, and my friends and family will laugh at me in 10 years time when I'm still looking for my big break) and I'm trying really hard to shake them off. Yes, this means that I am constantly having a word with myself. But you know what? This is really hard. But I'm doing ok.

I want the truth YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!

At the last Law Centre session I worked, I had a client who at the end of the meeting asked, "are you a solicitor?" Its not an unusual question, and ordinarily a simple one to answer, but I allowed my practising certificate to lapse and couldn't be holding myself out as one. "I'm non practising but qualified". Client wanted more. "Basically I don't work for a law firm or anyone else at the moment". "Oh. Why not?"

Oh great. one of those.

"I'm currently looking for work and the market is slow".
"Isn't there anything else you can do instead?"

Suddenly my condom postered cubicle felt more like a darkened cell with no windows, and I was being blinded by having a light flashed into my eyes aka the most simple questions with the hardest answers.

"I'm sure there is but there is little work out there generally".

By the two month stage of unemployment, I had started looking at any jobs I could work. Even though accepting that I had to do this was tough in itself, being out of work and earning nothing was not helping my emotional well being and my social life was suffering immensely.

"Oh, I see. Did you go to university and stuff? My sister wants to be a solicitor, is it worth all the years study and expense?"

The interrogation got harder. Swirling in my mind were views from folks who believed that if a person did not have the cash or come from an academic background generally, they should think twice. But who was I to trample on a young girl's dream? And the truth is, even though I was unemployed, that two and a half hours a week where I got out there to meet real clients did make it worth it. Yes, I'm one of those annoying people who is so thankful for even the smallest of things. I had to be. At that time I had nothing.

I wanted to be honest but not depressing. I told client that her sister needs to do as much work experience as possible. That if she really wanted to go to university, she should do so, even if it wasn't to study law, one cannot negate the value of the experience. I also explained the routes of entry to the profession (FILEX, GDL), and said that if her sister was going to go to university, she had to make sure it was the best university she could get into for her chosen field.

It was a chat. It was five minutes. It was draining. Thank F that was over.

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I've not really been sharing much this week. Truth is, lots has happened. The other truth is, that it could all be over. There has been work. There will be payment for it. There will be more news on whether the position continues in the New Year. There have also been interviews, and I will keep you posted.

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I've been stalking again this evening, the boy has been on my mind so I've been googling boy related stuff. The information I found was strangely sparse (considering that there should have been links to the entertainment industry) so I googled myself. I may only have two pages of hits, but they are all me, and build a picture of my last 4 years of existence.

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I've been wondering this week whether it was time to simplify me. Maybe my name is a barrier to people getting in touch because its not the easiest to get a tongue around. I had decided a long time ago that I'd drop the nicknames when I went professional, maybe its time to not be so precious about it. A name is such an important thing...

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I always think that multiple exclamation marks make the writer look a bit manic. Ok, I did it on purpose up there, but I may start adding it in an attempt to seem slightly eccentric. When did I become so conventional? I mean !!!!

Falling in love again

Over the last 4 months, all I've wanted to do is up sticks and move away. First thought is New York City, I've always fancied a 6 month/year in the big apple, but I think anywhere that isn't here would do me.

I live in a suburban London borough, pleasant enough, there are estates, but I don't live in one, and I've easy access to the countryside and central London. I have a garden, I have a drive, and I'm lucky. But more and more I'm thinking this isn't for me and find myself spending more and more time at home.

Tuesday was the first meeting after the summer recess of the Industrial Law Society and I was looking forward to going. I jump in my car (Travel cards are extortionate nowdays - at least they are when you're on a JSA income), and set off on my journey. Through Edmonton, through Tottenham, through Stamford Hill, Dalston...London is looking grottier and grottier. The people, the buildings, the... and it comes into view...One Canada Square with its flashing light at the tip of its pyramid top, and look its the Gherkin! I'm now nearing Liverpool Street and my feelings move from downright dispirited to full of elation at being back in the center of this great city.

The streets, buildings and people get smarter, and things appear to have a purpose again. I stop at some lights on Cannon Street. The sky is an amazing haze of deep blue, the sun has just set and left a lingering impression on the few clouds still loitering over St Paul's Cathedral. And it looks magnificent.

I make the meeting, and love every minute. It was good to dress smartly again, good to be surrounded by some fantastic employment lawyers and judges again, and the lecture on current issues in TUPE delivered by David Reade QC of Littleton Chambers was delivered impeccably and with good humour.

Although I shot off as soon as it was over (I wasn't feeling brave enough to network that evening), I felt optimistic, excited and a renewed self assurance that I was making the right choices. I'm definitely still looking for a good time to experience life in NYC, but London and Holborn in particular, holds so many memories for me, work, study, friends, relationships, that I'd almost forgotten why I'd done it all. Deep down, I know that I'll always *heart* London, I just hope I find something to keep me enthused while I'm here.