At least you've got your health...

So health wise I've had a tough time of it in the last year. It started when i returned from my honeymoon. I just couldn't seem to function as i used to and everyday at work was a struggle. After about 2 months i suffered from planta faciaisis (whilst not diagnosed by my doctor, discussion with friends cleared up that this was in fact what I had, and not MS). This was 6 months of walking like every step was on glass, being bent over having difficulty straightening up, and generally feeling past it. At 36. Surely not already? Well I'd enjoyed my earlier years...

But it didn't end there...the fatigue I'd felt at the start of the year persisted, and then the symptoms began. Terrifying, look back into the red bowl symptoms. Terrible, I feel like I'm carrying rocks in my tummy symptoms. Terrible, it kind of hurts and is so uncomfortable to be intimate with my new husband symptoms. What was wrong with me?

After a number of trips to my GP (with photos and even video...believe me it was necessary), I was referred to my local hospital...for an appointment in 6 months! I think I cried that day (at least on the inside, I don't do tears). Long story short and after some jiggery pokery, I managed to get myself in to a consultant within a week, and within 3 had been booked in for a colonoscopy (again thanks to photos). It was something one would rather not have, but it was not as horrendous as I thought. And there it was...on the screen before me, the inflammation which was causing me misery. On finishing up I was told "you have colitis and you'll need to keep a diary and take our number", and waited to be seen by a consultant. And waited. And waited. So apparently its OK to discharge a person who has just been told she has a chronic lifelong condition for which there is no cure and let her go...of course I wasn't having that and managed to get myself a course of drugs to deal with the symptoms I'd been suffering. And wow what a difference!

So anyway the point of this whole blog post was to talk about how we can be kinder to others on the tube. I spent most of 2015 in pain, unable to stand, or simply exhausted. I travel from East to West and back again every day and work long hours. It was just knackering. One day as I was half asleep in a priority seat at rush hour, a pregnant woman on crutches asked me to stand up as she needed my seat. Of course she did...but I could have cried that day. I felt unwell, and probably looked it but had no choice but to give up my seat. I didn't feel able to ask someone else for theirs. It made me wonder whether there was a better way.

I understand that TfL are trailing badges for the disabled, however I wonder whether we can free up more seats than that. When I'm well, often I take a seat just simply to get out of the way. What if we had a "Need a seat? Ask me" badge? Or a system called "1,2,3 rotate" for those happy not to sit for their whole journey and can swap with other rotators? Or maybe I should just feel confident to ask for a seat when I need one (without feeling a need to explain why) and not feel hard done by if someone says no. Could we all be a bit more compassionate and understanding with each other?

I'm not particularly convinced us commuters have it in us unfortunately...for the last few months I've been carrying my own little passenger...the commuting populus have certainly maintained their unique personality! All I can say is thank goodness for that little white badge...

It's been a while...

So guess what guys? I got engaged! Not only that...but I got married too. I've also changed jobs...twice! Well I have been away for a pretty long while.

It's kind of been a funny time. All of it.

I got pretty close to getting the job I'd asked the universe for. I was in a challenging environment and enjoyed most days, even though they were long and constantly full. I also had a man friend. And then he popped the question. And then I said "yes".

So after a few days of being on cloud 9, (for 2 weeks we celebrated with daily bubbles), I went back to work. I had happy news to share! But oh... I've been in this job for a few months. Surely they'll now think I would soon want children too. That my mind will be on other things. That there's not a long term place for me...

I'm sure that these thoughts were pretty irrational, but I was thinking them. My career was almost where I wanted it to be. I wanted people to see me as ambitious. I wanted them to see me as  strong, and professional. Not a woman who was full of cupcakes and flowers and who couldn't wait to make babies.

Why was I so bothered?

I guess the truth was, that whether I was ready or sure about starting a family, I knew that I wasn't in a position to hold out for long, so it would be inevitable that it was on the cards. I couldn't deny that. Although of course I was never asked to by my managers (my colleagues were another matter!) but were they thinking it? Did they see me as a risk? Why did I see me as a risk?

After some ridiculous paranoia, and plenty of other things to keep my mind on other things, you'd think that I'd have forgotten about it...now I'm married I'm just waiting for the "I told you so" and "it was only a matter of time" when one day I am blessed with the little patter...

It's tough for women. We know that everything has to change when issue arrive, and inevitably no matter how much we or the men in our lives Lean In, we are the ones who have to make the hardest choices and convince our peers that we're still worthy of our positions...there is no doubt that it's harder for women to keep a career when life takes over...

My search for...

...a mate. Its been tough. Its kept me more occupied than I'd cared to have been over the last three months. And it has been fruitless. Let me tell you all about my 50 first dates (only a few really) and teach those who don't already know, how to be a gentleman.

The Spaniard

This could have been good. He told me the name of his first child (a boy of course) when he found the right woman and had kids - and it didn't freak me out. But when he asked me why I was slurring my words, I was too drunk to tell him it was because I'd shared half a bottle of red with him on an empty stomach, as he was too cheap to suggest we eat. So I ordered food.

Word to men. Don't judge me for my love of red wine.

The Boomerang

This one makes the list, even though I dated this guy last year. The reason? Because nearly nine months after our last date, he sent a text out of the blue, asking whether I'd like to spend an afternoon in bed. My reply? "It's around 9 mths since last saw u. Glad u got in touch. Want to ask if u'd like to be at the birth?"

Word to men. You have to be something pretty unforgettable for a woman to lose her self respect for a quickie.

The Chinese

I knew before our first date that this guy was going to be trouble. He kept trying to get me to meet him near his place, which was the other side of town. An hour before the date, he wanted to postpone because of an oven disaster (this is true); then expected me to jump at his bequest when his over disaster was over later that day. Contrary to what he must have thought, I had things to do.

Word to men. Be a gent and make it convenient. And don't be a loser and postpone for a ridiculous reason. Women are busy people too.

The Mexican

The date went really well and he took steps to prolong the date by ordering extra drinks, and when I'd gone to the ladies, he ordered me a mint tea after our meal. The guy paid for pre dinner drinks, and for dinner, and walked me to the tube. He was good company, but I could not imagine touching his lips with mine. Also, every now and then, I'd see him rubbing his forehead or his eyes, as if something was stressing him out. He also had a number of mobile phones.

Word to men. Don't cheat on your wife.

The Essex boy

We had joked before meeting about how I'd prepare a list of questions to test our compatibility. As he said he'd do the same, I thought I'd follow through, and prepared five questions to lighten the mood of our date. Things like showing him a glass half full of water and asking what he saw and finding a riddle on the Internet. This guy was good company. I whipped out my five questions and fired away. We had a laugh. He fished around in his Barbour jacket pocket, and pulled out a sheet of paper with 35 questions on it. At least this will be good for an hour and a giggle I thought. I was wrong. The questions he had for me:
"What are your attitudes to marriage?"
"Have you ever cheated on a boyfriend?"
"What do you think are important qualities in a partner?"
"What is your attitude to money?"
"Where do you buy your clothes?"

The good thing about the questions was that we worked out that we were after different things. Even so...

Word to men. Its a date not an interview.

The Greatest dancer

He suggested we meet at Waterloo. He was late. I told him I'd wait by the baggage store. He decided to meet me in front of the platform he uses to get to/from London so I had to find him. We went to the Waterloo food market, great idea, although I had already eaten (food was never mentioned), and I was freezing because of the wait. He suggested some salsa dancing action and walked me thirty minutes to another part of town. In heels. And it was cold. And there was a closer (easier for me) tube to that venue. We got inside, and now, without the crisp freshness of the outdoors to mask it, I noted that he smelled of sleep (you know that smell a man's clothes picks up when he has slept in them?) Rank. So our dance lesson started. It was a perfect date as there was lots of partner swapping so I got to spend all of four and a half minutes with him and his sweaty hands.

Word to men. Wear clean clothes, don't be late. and be considerate when the likelihood is that your "lucky" lady will be wearing heels and its -5 outside.

The Blondie

There was so much promise. We had so much in common, and when I wrote "hon" on my phone, it would auto correct to his name - it had to be special. I looked forward to the date after some great text banter, only to be met by a sappy man, who disliked his waster of a brother but fed him cash anyway. This also appeared to be a theme, as he showered his friends with gifts too. I'd be having none of that, and would eat this man alive. I cut this one short.

Word to men. You can't buy friends. (well not this one) and grow some.

It was after this date when I had decided that I'd had enough. I'd forgotten why I was even trying,and thought maybe I was doing it for my friends' and family's benefit rather than my own. Then I met...

Batman's sidekick

We had a good first date, although got drenched in the rain, he had no plan after the first pub, he got groped by another woman (which I found hilarious), we went dutch, and I missed my last train home. Even so, the first date turned into a few dates, until he asked "are we dating or are we seeing each other?" I'm not sure there is a difference between the two, and told him that I wasn't seeing anyone else, and we should maybe talk about our differences if he was keen to make things official. The difference I had in mind, was religion. This guy was an atheist, I am a catholic; and we spoke, and he said it wasn't a problem.

For the next few weeks, he wanted me to meet his friends, go to a wedding with him, and to meet my parents. I went away for a weekend, and the night before I left, went to his. Driving home, I texted my friend and said I wasn't sure I was feeling it. "What has he done?" she asked. There was nothing.Was this just cold feet? Was my thinking twice about mentioning him to my family or introducing him to my parents (it had only been six weeks) my being fussy and I should go with it? He was so willing to please, attentive (although we always went dutch), and seemed to be pretty much content (no one wants to date a guy who is after a girlfriend just to fill time). Because I couldn't put my finger on whatever it was I was feeling, I didn't say anything, and on my return from my weekend away went over to his.

"So, how into all this religious stuff are you?"
I explained how I sometimes go to Church, that I pray, and that when I have children, they will be baptised (all the things I'd mentioned before).
"Yeah, well, I'm not sure I can be down with all that".
It transpires that he had had such a good time that weekend at his friends' wedding, who had a registry office wedding with such a fun party afterwards, and were "their own people" that it got him thinking.
"A wedding day doesn't make a marriage". Those were the only words I said to him.

What a prick. A week before, he was commenting on how I was different to the other girls he'd dated as I was pretty with it and had no psycho tendencies; and suddenly, he had a good time at a wedding and decided that I was not my own person.

Although I truely feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, and I felt not very much when he told me, I am annoyed. A little at myself for not working out what my instincts were trying to tell me (I wont go into the dreams I'd been having since meeting this guy, or my constant anxiety); but mainly at him. He was the one constantly pushing for more, whether it was for me to stay over, or meeting my parents.

Word to men. Think before you speak. If you're going to dump a girl, don't make her drive over to your place. And when you do it, (especially when you've had a weekend to think about how), try throwing in a word or two about how its a shame because you'd had a good time over the last couple of months, and how she is truely a wonderful person and you're sorry to see it end. That is what a gentleman would do.

My love of food...

...often takes me to the streets. There's nothing more I love than going to a restaurant for a three course masticational marvel; however when you're on the go, meeting friends, the sun is out (!) and you just want some wholesome food which will not only keep you going, but make your stomach do flips on the aroma alone, there's no other way but the street food way. Here are my central London top tips - and Borough Market doesn't feature (gasp!)

1. The Goodge Street Food Market - Goodge Place - Monday to Friday 11 til 3pm

There are only a handful of stalls in this tiny little side street - but that's all you need when you have a salad bar; a Turkish and Thai stall; and my two favourites - the Hoxton Beach Felafel's stall and Freebird Burrito - which take it in turns to tickle my taste buds and keep me the voluptuous vixen that I am...

2.  The Torrington Place Farmers' Market - Torrington Place, Bloomsbury - Thursday lunch time only

You'll find her a collection of tarts, pasta, cheese, venison, boar, pig, lamb, pasties, ice cream and some - much organically grown; and what's more, you can take some of your favourite ingredients home with you to try to recreate the symphony you'll no doubt experience on your visits. My favourite? Mersham's £3.50 venison burgers with home made sauces. Yep. I really said £3.50. Not only that but you can take home some venison cuts to enjoy when you go home.

3.  The Real Food Market - Waterloo - Friday and Sunday - 12 til 8pm Saturday 11 til 8pm

This is a new discovery and wow the excitement as I walked closer towards the buzz a month ago at 7pm - for the mere fact that it was early evening and still open, which meant that I could take my street food loving to a totally new level. This food market is massive and there is nothing you will not find. Visit visit visit! My favourite here is dessert - Churros and chocolata from Churros Garcia. The guys there just would not stop filling my cup full of churros which totally blew the socks of the churros I had in Barcelona the month before. With market food available this late, I cannot understand why people still go to restaurants...

4.  The Good Food Market - St Katharine Docks - Friday 10 til 4pm

I never had a favourite here...I started with a safe (but heavenly) paella, and travelled the world to Thailand, Peru, Nigeria (I had my first taste of Nigerian food),France...it is all good. Catch it on a sunny day, and you will be forgiven for forgetting that lunch time was over and you were still meandering amongst the foodies and the stalls, taking in the rainbow of scents and sights...and I often did forget that lunch was up...but I could afford to in those days...

5. Sunday (Up)Market - The Old Truman Brewery, Brick Lane - Sunday 10 til 5pm

I paid my first visit here last Sunday, and it absolutely made my wet, dreary, not going very well Sunday afternoon. I was soaked, hungry, cold, and on entering a small side door just off Brick Lane, I was met with food from every continent, a wonderful band playing swing, we were undercover, and there was seating. This really was a truly well organised food market, and the noodle soup I had totally hit the spot. If I see them again, I'll be sure to get their name down to share with you all. In short, forget Sunday brunch, just go (Up)Market.

So if you got this far in my post, you may think me being slightly indulgent in my food fantasies. I could easily spend my days touring the world for authentic, fast, and orgasmic tasting food, but I can't. So this is really a call for aid. Please leave a comment...one which tells me where your favourite food market is (anywhere in the world), and the one stall people should really not miss...

Lately, I've been mainly reading erotic literature

Well ok, that's not all I've been reading. I'm also reading David Copperfield as the adult reading is not really appropriate reading for my daily commute, even with a Kindle. As a hot looking vertically challenged individual, I just know I'll end up with a harem of the over the shoulder readers when they realise what they're reading. I'm no horny porn watching woman, so how did this new genre slip into my reading list?

What you probably don't realise is that I am a lot cooler than you think I am. I am, of the moment. I am learning to play ukulele. I go Muay Thai boxing and to Zumba classes. I'm a food market connoisseur, and will be learning to make do and mend. So when my friend from New York WhatsApp'd me the other week, and asked me if I'd heard about a British writer called E.L. James who's books were taking the US by storm, she could not believe it when I told her I had never heard of her or her books. Film rights to this "adult romance" trilogy had just been snapped up by Universal and everyone was (and still is) talking about it.

A quick google about the first in the trilogy Fifty Shades of Grey told me that US women of all ages were having their temperatures raised and their hearts (and loins) beating and it all resulted from this literotica...but its not without its controversy.

The story is about two 20 somethings - Christian Grey, a multi zillionaire with a penchant for BDSM; and a recent graduate Anastasia Steele, a virgin who moves over to the "dark" side by the charming, beautiful, powerful and rich Grey. Grey offers Steele the opportunity to have a "relationship" with him, based on a contractual agreement where Steele becomes his weekend submissive, and agrees to three good meals a day, a personal trainer, a new wardrobe, with some whips and leather in the Red room of pain thrown in. By the time Anastasia decides she doesn't want to lose Grey, it is clear that the love making in the book does not meet the suggested expectations raised from the start, although the scenery (his room, her room, on the piano, in the lift, on the boat, in the Red room of pain ...you get the picture) is always a welcome change.

You can probably tell that I wasn't overly impressed, but the books are an easy and enjoyable/care free read and I want to know what happens next. The promise of some BDSM action failed to deliver in the first of the trilogy Fifty Shades of Grey and half way through Fifty Shades Darker (which was only bought because of the cliff hanger at the end of the first) its still pretty vanilla. The appeal of the stories is probably the result of some decent marketing, the popularity of the Kindle (no one will know what you're reading), the lovable rouge Grey character, underlying love story, and the fact that the uber conservative US dislike some of the themes suggested by the book (the BDSM, submissiveness, child abuse and paedophilia) and the fact that women are lapping up the story. Some are feeling uncomfortable about the fact that a storyline of this nature is sending women into a frenzy of horniness, without noting that although the suggestion is there, the intimate liaisons featured are (so far) pretty vanilla, and although there is the underlying promise of something raunchier that hasn't (yet) delivered. That's not a problem if you're happy to have your temperature slightly raised at an almost believable love story. That and the fact that I love being "of the moment" means I'll probably buy the final in the trilogy.

My best bits (so far):

• The love story is a nice and its easy reading, requiring pretty low concentration - everyone needs some switch off time...for all other times, there's a bit of David Copperfield...
• Creating a drinking game - a shot for every time the following words appear in print: holy shit, my inner goddess does a pirouette, up and down, on my sex
• The relief I felt when there was almost a sex scene but the chapter ended (once you've read five or six...)

My worst bits (so far):

• When the next chapter started with the sex scene I thought I'd avoided (when my own inner goddess did a double flip and kissed her teeth)
• When the following words appeared in print: holy shit, my inner goddess does a pirouette, up and down, on my sex
• It's not fantastically written and if it wasn't for the underlying storyline/plot, can feel a little repetitive

 

To the depths...

...and the law firm which pushed me there.

I took a job in March, not a solicitor role, but a job which I thought would be a good way of getting me used to conventional private practice after being out for a while. Also it was a City firm, not at the top, but well known enough to potentially mean something on my now rather dishevelled looking CV, so it would be good experience generally.

It meant a slight pay cut, but when I worked out my contracted hours/pay, what I'd gain in travel and free time, and the fact that my practising certificate and CPD (including SRA management stage 1 course) would be looked after while I was there, I thought made the job a good stop gap whilst I continued to look for work elsewhere. There was also in the depths of my mind the potential could be there for a NQ position.

I remember the interview. I knew I would get the job, why wouldn't I? I was over qualified for it. I remember being asked about how I'd deal with being over burdened with work, and recall responding how I was not afraid of hard work, but also that I also knew what reasonable looked like, so I wouldn't be taken advantage of. So then came contract negotiations. On a one year fixed term contract they tried to get me to sign up to a three month notice period. Whittled it down to what I thought was a good compromise at one month. I asked about overtime and was told that it wasn't paid, but also that it wasn't usual for there to be a requirement to work long hours in the department. Great. I need a work life balance, I've got a proper job to look for.

So I start my job. Its not too long in when I realise that I am doing the same job as a solicitor at a considerably lower pay, and the volume of work I had been given required me to work considerably longer hours than I had been expecting. But I enjoyed the responsibility. I enjoyed the work. And I enjoyed the fact that I was performing, in the most difficult of situations (poorly organised contract, lack of direction, support and training, and over allocation of work to name a couple). I was achieving.

"I know what reasonable looks like" ran around my head, and I took a step back to recognise that a 50+ hour week did not resemble reasonable.

So I contact HR. I say that I suspect she wasn't aware of how busy the department was when negotiating my contract, and filled her in. Could something be done? She'll talk to the department head the following day. A week passed. I didn't want to be a pest. Two passed and I got restless. I got in touch and she was on holiday, she'll sort it out when she gets back. Basically I got the run around for 6 weeks before it was "addressed". And only after I realised that I'd been fobbed off for all of that time, was it that I realised that I was getting used to being in to work at 7am and leaving after 7, 8, 9, 10pm each night. What happened to my job hunt?

I contact HR again, and the following day, department head pops by and informs me that the last thing he wanted was an unmotivated workforce, who felt unappreciated. These are words which I'd never uttered. He knew his department morale was at an all time low. We'd talk.

My supervisor contacts me, and informs me that an in principal increase has been agreed for an additional role I had agreed to carry out, but nothing formal had been done. So cash for the additional role, but what about all of the additional hours? I write to my supervisor, and the department head suggests I arrange a meeting with him. Of course, he goes away for two weeks and by this time four months has passed.

Its d-day and I'm called in to the den. I wasn't feeling nervous, and was quite optimistic that someone who had reached such heights and appeared so understanding when we had first spoken, was a reasonable person and understood what made people tick.

So tell me @little_lawyer, where do you live? What do your parents do? Why did they come to the UK? What university did you go to?

I had clearly read this all wrong...

He expected all of his team to work hard, so the additional hours worked were neither here nor there, and anyway, its about the quality and quantity of output not how long it takes to do something. I had a few weeks previously received a dazzling review...I suggested that if I wasn't working at the required competency level, it was a bit late to start suggesting I was not performing.

I was not "visible" in the team and every time he saw me I was sat at my desk working. What. The. Fruck. He must have skimmed the bit about my work load. Also, I had a great relationship with qualified and non qualified colleagues (they're a good bunch), he was never in, what did he know!

He couldn't see how I "added value" to the team. Obviously he missed the emails and training sessions I had organised for his qualified and non qualified team without which the department was flailing under the pressure of workload and lack of training.

And anyway, and more importantly, he had the cash to pay me more if he wanted to, but what made me think I was worth more when he had the cream of the crop from Cambridge and Oxford working for him?

I assumed my usual (and recognisable) position at my desk.

That was two months ago. Ever since, my constant IJ sounds, "I'm going to resign today" but all of my friends and family keep telling me that I'm better in a job than out, and the news keeps telling me the recession is deepening so I should be grateful to have this job. There have been sleepless nights. My heart is constantly palpitating. For a time I was in excruciating pain in my back and face due to tension. And more importantly, I think its time to take the work "resilient" from my CV. In that brief 15 minutes, every stereotype about city law was confirmed, and almost every ounce of self belief and esteem had been verbally beaten out of me.

Optimistic. Scrub that.
Realistic. I know my place and others are only too pleased to keep me in it. I've not yet worked with anyone I have thought impressive and would wish to emulate but background counts.
Candid. It has taken me nearly two months to pluck up the courage to write this. I'm embarrassed by my career. I believed that hard work and half a brain would get me the career I thought I deserved. I am battered and bruised, beaten and defeated.

Welcome to the weekend...I'm not a racist!

So I leave work early after just hearing that I will be overloaded with cases next week. I'm not worried and I'm sure it wasn't intentional, so I fired off a quick email to suggest that the allocation needed revisited and ran out of the door. I had to get to Snappy Snaps to collect my passport photographs before they shut.

Feeling breezy, knowing I'll definitely make my train, I take a seat in a section where no one was sitting. Put my bag beside me, but within minutes a woman comes along and asks me to move it. Not unreasonable even though there's plenty of space elsewhere, but I'm reading tonight's Evening Standard, so felt I needed room to put my bag somewhere. I move to a section where there is more room and take my seat.

Train leaves....train arrives at intermediate station...

Three girls jump on, and take the two free seats in my section, one sitting next to me with her friend on her lap the other opposite me. She's leaning on me, and although I know better than to expect my personal space not to be invaded on public transport, its unreasonable to expect me to make the remainder of my journey as a cushion for a stranger.

"Would you mind not leaning on me please?"

I'm not sure how else I could have asked, but I obviously asked in the wrong way. The abuse begins...first laughing in my face for asking because that's rude, then I'm cheeky for saying anything at all, at my age I should have known better than to be so rude..., I should have shut up...I quite happily would have but they were relentless.

I kept my composure and suggested that they should take a look at their own conduct, and I asked if there was any way I could have asked which wouldn't have annoyed them. It just made them worse.

Oh dear.

I should watch myself because, "you don't know what I'm capable of" and they begin to become aggressive. They continued to suggest that I should shut up, then talked amongst themselves laughing about it, and saying how they loved it when they made old people shut up and how great it was. All this, because of course, I should be intimidated by these three young girls who decided to make my journey home, and start to the weekend a memorable one.

Mr Knightinshiningarmour sat opposite me and piped up suggesting that one of them takes the free seat in the other section - more ammunition and they started on him too. Asking if we were together, suggesting that if they were adults he wouldn't have got involved, so I pointed out that there are 3 of them attacking me, and what made them think it was acceptable to behave in such a way anyway? I think I actually said they should have more respect for their elders because they kept going on about how old I was.

Oh cringe.

I realised that these girls would not stop talking, insinuating, commenting, and laughing at me, so I decided that I'd said enough and it wasn't worth it. Nose in book, I let them talk amongst themselves, and apologised to Mr Knightinshiningarmour who tried to help which only seemed to give them ammunition to make lewd comments about the two of us.

Finally my stop. I get off, passed them (thank goodness without a hiccup) and queued to get off the train.

"No wonder she needed all that room, look how wide she is!"

If these girls thought they were so good, why did they wait for me to leave before make personal comments about how I looked. I turned back, walked up to them, and suggested they should have said those things to my face rather than to wait for me to get off. Oh the shouting as I walked away. The little cows didn't get off and face me directly though...

I wouldn't have mentioned their race, but I got off a train, and Mrs Elderlyblacklady came up to me.

"Please don't judge them all, they're not all like that"

She continued by telling me how her younger sister used to be like those girls but how she's different now. These were three black girls and I judged those girls on their behaviour. A shame that they did fit a stereotype which Mrs Elderlyblacklady was clearly well aware of. She felt embarrassed for young black girls generally, and I felt embarrassed that she felt that way. And of course sorry that Mr Knightinshiningarmour had to continue his journey with them.

It did cross my mind on my walk home however, whether if they were 3 white girls, 3 polish girls, 3 asian girls, 3 indian girls or any mix of those races the same thing would have happened. Maybe in certain areas of town, or in certain cliques...

A question of sport...read on, it gets sexy...

Who'd have thought sports pages could be so interesting!

Through no fault of her own, rather than get on and do the job she trained to do, the now well known Sian Massey is at the centre of a high profile scandal, following inappropriate (and undeserved) comments regarding her ability to referee football matches, because according to the "experts", its a man's job.

Massey was to assist the referee in this week's Crewe v Bradford game, but was "withdrawn" from her duties. This weekend she was to work, but has been withdrawn from duties once again, because it would be "unfair on the clubs".

There has been a backlash against the dismissal of Andy Gray and subsequent resignation of Richard Keys, but lets face it, Sky didn't really have a choice if it did not deal with the issue once it was made public unless it wanted to be accused of third party harassment. According to some of our fine nation's best loved celebrities, this kind of banter is normal, and restricting people so that they couldn't have a laugh and a joke in such a way would ruin the fun.

Bruce Forsyth is quoted in the Daily Mail as saying, ‘We all say things. We’re all cursing and saying sexist things. When you’re off camera, you do say these things for a bit of a laugh. But it’s just to relax.’ Charlotte Jackson looks extremely relaxed here.

But there's a bigger picture and more at stake here. This isn't a story about sexism in the work place, restricting freedom of speech or political correctness gone mad. Its by far wider reaching than all of that. This is about diversity in the work place. The number of female sports presenters/the number of female stockbrokers or bankers/the number of female judges/the number of female chief executives...do you see where I'm going? There are obvious barriers to entry for anyone wishing to penetrate a profession which is dominated by people of a particular sex or race. Those who chose to try, chose also to accept and tolerate the kind of banter that is ultimately demeaning, or face career suicide if they speak up. Maybe worse, those who move on to alternative careers or those who have the potential but don't even try.

Sian Massey is inadvertently being punished for being a woman. She didn't make the complaint, or release the footage, but she has been prohibited from doing her job, leaving it to her male (and no less qualified) colleagues instead. I suspect that if you're a Gray supporter, you probably think there's a career for her as a pin up. If you're on Team Massey, maybe a career as a sports presenter (with a sideline in teaching us all the off side rule) beckons. At the very least I hope a lucrative and long career awaits, because at the moment, it is clear that her chosen career has been stalled.

Introducing...

The old me...

So I beat the gavel to find myself without permanent work as a solicitor (and after 9 years to qualification!) This blog is about the trials and tribulations of a lawyer who doesn't lawyer much...and other things that interest her... Find me on www.twitter.com/Little_Lawyer

The reality has been quite the contrary. I have lawyered lots since qualifying. I worked for 3 months as an employment lawyer (and loved every moment), until recently, I was a regular solicitor for a local Advice Centre working on a pro bono basis, and in my current job, my skills, my attention to detail, my personal attributes, and my legal knowledge have meant that I have been an invaluable part of a successful team.

So whats the point of this post? It is to introduce myself proper. No longer will you hear about how inexperienced I am and how I don't know what I'm good for or where I'm going. Granted, that's still the truth, but ultimately those interested know how long I've been qualified for, and I know I'm a bloody good at anything I've turned my hand to so far, having never been on a losing side. Yes, that's right, I'm a winner. "Fighting talk" I hear you say. I've no reason to lie.

So let me introduce myself:

Optimistic, realistic, candid.
You'll find here a personal perspective. Even so, you'll come to appreciate that I'm around.
Trust me, I'm a lawyer.

Find me on www.twitter.com/Little_Lawyer

Welcome...to my world...

And so, the end is near...

You guys may have guessed (I know my handful of readers are incredibly perceptive) that I'm no longer unemployed. You may also have guessed that I'm not contributing all that often to this blog. A couple of reasons.

My blurb *up there* is still kind of true. I'm not in permanent employment, and I am an out of work lawyer but I do work full time hours and in legal London in a law related capacity.

I have now (by my super scientific calculations) been in work more than out. This in itself is a reason to celebrate. I hope to have work for a fair few more months and I'm fairly relaxed about that. The job search has gone on a bit of a back burner...I will pick it up again, as I don't want to get comfortable in my new role. Plus there's lawyering that I want to be doing, what I'm doing now, will make me lazy/crazy...

Also, following last week's inadvertent "announcement" its probably not wise for me to continue this blog at all. I may find myself needing this outlet and going for it, but I think it unlikely now that I may have lost my anonymity. Its been fun, but while I'm buying my travel season ticket, and saving Asda from eccentric men wanting to sue them for confiscating towels as part of my pro bono work (all very important stuff), I will keep you all (all 3 of you) from having to check in with what I've been up to...that is unless you want some help going to sleep...

Thanks for the memories chaps.

Front page of the Law Gazette

I couldn't believe it, an article about my training firm! Well maybe that's taking it too far, but nothing I read in the article was news to me:

...some newly qualified lawyers are being told that they will only be taken on as paralegals, while law graduates seeking training contracts are being expected to work without pay.

I'm still relatively anonymous so I'll share.

While I was still there, a girl who had just finished her LPC was taken on for some "work experience". Not sure about anyone else, but when I did work experience, I did some research, copied documents, shadowed, and clerked at court. It would last from 3 days to 3 weeks. Training firm had Stunningalmostparalegal seeing clients on her own and gave her her own case load. And you know what? She wasn't paid for it. The arrangement was only going to last a short while, same as any usual "work experience" arrangement, but by around four months in, she is called in to see the top dog, and told that it wasn't fair that she'd been working so hard for free, and they'd pay her expenses. How generous. She never even had holidays.

Two months later, she was told that the arrangement couldn't go on as it was so for her own good, they'd have to let her go. Wonderful.

Stunningalmostparalegal was a clever girl, otherwise she wouldn't have been allowed to see clients. She gave it her all and worked hard. Luckily she is from a wealthy family, and doesn't have to worry about money otherwise there would be no way that kind of "arrangement" could continue. In effect she was used as a temp until they found another solicitor to work in the department. Yep, that's right, she was replaced by a solicitor.

Its easy to say that its just one of those things students, trainees, and NQs have to do to get ahead and there is no doubt that she had the best work experience she could have asked for. The issue here is that it is taking advantage. If there was enough work available for her to have her own case load (it was that busy), there was money being made and Stunningalmsotparalegal should have been paid.

Not all trainees and paralegals work for Linklaters, and the pay is often dire. In London the Law Society minimum is £18590pa, and outside it is £16,650 pa - there is even an option for the minimum to be waived. These trainees work just as hard as those earning triple that, and maybe harder, knowing the difficulties they will face on qualification.

The trainee I was up against for the NQ position was taken on on a trainee wage which is only just above the Law Society minimum. Was her charge out rate altered in tune with it?

No.

Should this kind of "opportunity" be seen as a right of passage? I don't think it should.

The other problem is that this "cheap" or "free" labour, makes it so much harder for us to find paid work at a reasonable wage. Why would a firm pay someone good money when they could have the work done for next to nothing?

Not sure where I'm going with this. I guess it was just to tell you all... that this shit happens.

"The market" excuse

You've probably guessed that I'm currently working. And guessed that its not permanent. And know that on the whole, I'm feeling a new kind of optimism which is creating a bubble of interest and demand around me. There is nothing firm in the pipe line, nothing set in stone, not even a firm offer out there yet, but there is movement and I'm slightly bothered. How strategically should I be contemplating these options, and can I afford to think strategically at all?

I have a friend who is in assurance and recently resigned from a position at JP Morgan. She is on the job hunt, and was telling me about how each job should be chosen on the basis that it enhances one's CV. You only move up; or sideways if it is something extremely relevant to your professional/career development.

So what do I do. I know where I would ideally like to be. The potential for it to happen in the next 3 months is there and that is fantastic. However I also know what its like to be unemployed and quite frankly, 3 months on the dole again? No thanks. Not again.

I now find myself in the midst of something extremely interesting which is in no way related to my long term goals (as I currently see them); and it wont make me rich (remember my last post?) Its not even a lawyer role, but it would be a good experience generally. But then what? What happens when I come out at the other end and am back on my tour of law firms cap in hand asking them to take me seriously once again? Will they understand? Will they take into consideration "the market"? "The market" line is getting boring, how long do we think we have left on its shelf life?

And here I am again...balls all up in the air and hoping that this girl can catch...

Go on...admit it...

On 31 December 2008, I was stood on the Embankment, shivering with my lips turning blue, waiting for some fireworks to go off. I was there with my cousin, who made a comment about how I would forget about them ('the family') when I became a lawyer. This offended me deeply, because my attitude to my friends and family, regardless of their status has never changed and I disliked the insinuation. Our relationship changed a little that night, but I think it did something more profound.

Most of the people I grew up with, as well as my close family, are not in the professions. I enjoy seeing them when I do, and as far as I'm concerned I'm the same person. My parents love to tell people that I'm a lawyer, and I hate being there when they do. Last week, I went out for a drink where I met some blasts from the past. The question inevitably arises, "what are you doing now?". He worked in a metal factory, where apparently the job was crap but the pay fantastic.

"So what about you?"

I hate the question. I don't know what it is, but I check myself before saying it that my tone is right and I don't sound like a snob.

"I'm a lawyer".

"I mean, I'm an unemployed lawyer".

Why did I do that? Its like I had to take myself down a peg or two. For the benefit of whom? The most ridiculous thing is that I was a locum at the time, so not unemployed at all.

My "unemployed lawyer" statement was a turning point for me. I worked and studied hard. It was tough. It is still hard going, not knowing where my next pay cheque will come from, but I cannot negate the successes I have had, and I degrade myself each time I ignore it.

I recall an email exchange with @markgriffith where the subject turned to ambition and wealth. I could agree to being ambitious, however felt embarrassed to say that money was any motivation. I couldn't understand it then, and I still don't now, and this one sentence in our exchange has often come back to haunt and trouble me even years after I made the statement.

Well at the moment, I'm feeling optimistic. I don't know how long it will last, but I'm savouring the feeling. I was called a brilliant lawyer and fantastic, by two different people, both of whom have had a limited experience of me. I celebrate my successes and you should do so too.

And I can admit to my motivation of wanting to make a living. A decent living. There's a certain kind of life I want to be living, and I'm going to get it for myself. There, I said it. Well almost. I'll let you all know when I'm ready to say I want to be rich...

Reputation is EVERYTHING

I can't help it. Its in my blood. An act of courtesy costs nothing, and if you forget your manners, I'm going to make a judgment about you.

Yes, I'm talking to you Ms Recruitment Consultant. As for the rest of you, I did tell you guys that I had an interview last year which would have involved me relocating to the South West didn't I?

Well that happened in around October. Did I want to relocate to the South West? Of course not. Did I want a job? You bet. Did I ever hear whether I was successful in the role...

Ah yes, Ms Recruitment Consultant, you forgot something.

Ok, so I could have chased as it was in my interests to find out the result. The fact was that by that time, I had had it up to here (that's a really high "here") with RCs, and I decided that I would not be actively using them to find me work. There was that, and the fact that I didn't want to move.

I think I can safely assume that I didn't get it.

But today, in my inbox, I receive an email from Ms Recruitment Consultant. She tells me that there's an opening and she'll let me know whether I am going to be interviewed. Do I want to get in touch? Not really. Do I want to tell her about her "oversight"? Oh yes. Will I?

Well somewhere over the last year I seem to have lost a bit of the personality I was so fond of in my younger days, when I was an opinionated spark, and shared my view with anyone who listened because I thought they cared. What happened to me?

Out of courtesy, I will email, and inform her that I have some temp work and wont be requiring her assistance for the time being, but thank her profusely for her continued attention. There is little point in burning bridges is there?

Neglect

I know, I know, I'm sorry I've neglected you dear sweet blog, but I've had to be careful because I've shared more than I should have on Twitter, I'm sure I can be easily "found out" if I haven't been already. Regardless, I'll try my hardest to continue to keep this as true to what has been going on with me and my accompanying thoughts and feelings as possible. So here I go...

I've had cause over the past month to introduce myself as a lawyer. Its been strange and I've stumbled over the words. The reality is, that I've only been a pro bono lawyer, and had one week's worth of work as a lawyer since qualification so I didn't feel like one (more true today than ever before - but that's another story).

Things haven't changed over the break. I am more optimistic generally, but the reason for this renewed energy is twofold (and maybe misguided).

For some strange reason there are people out there who have a determined belief in my abilities and success. These are intelligent people. Some know me well, some know me in passing. Some know my work but many don't. I don't talk the talk, I don't think I'm arrogant, and can't do the whole "biggin' yourself up" thing. I don't invite these comments and I find them embarrassing and the burden to be a success suffocating. How can they be so sure? I figure that if so many people have so much faith in me, the least I can do is accept their compliment and acknowledge that there is something that others see in me that is currently transparent to me. Someone hand me a palm full of powder.

The other reason I've tried to be upbeat is that I have done my sums, and have figured that there is a level of "bad" which is reachable and once that level is reached, the only way things can go is better, or good (or magnificently well but I don't want to get ahead of myself.)

So I'm trying and usually, it works. I have had those niggling doubts (you know the ones, that I got a bit too big for my boots, or that I had those actor type dreams of making it big and in reality I'll end up a bit of a loser, an overqualified waitress, and my friends and family will laugh at me in 10 years time when I'm still looking for my big break) and I'm trying really hard to shake them off. Yes, this means that I am constantly having a word with myself. But you know what? This is really hard. But I'm doing ok.

I want the truth YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!

At the last Law Centre session I worked, I had a client who at the end of the meeting asked, "are you a solicitor?" Its not an unusual question, and ordinarily a simple one to answer, but I allowed my practising certificate to lapse and couldn't be holding myself out as one. "I'm non practising but qualified". Client wanted more. "Basically I don't work for a law firm or anyone else at the moment". "Oh. Why not?"

Oh great. one of those.

"I'm currently looking for work and the market is slow".
"Isn't there anything else you can do instead?"

Suddenly my condom postered cubicle felt more like a darkened cell with no windows, and I was being blinded by having a light flashed into my eyes aka the most simple questions with the hardest answers.

"I'm sure there is but there is little work out there generally".

By the two month stage of unemployment, I had started looking at any jobs I could work. Even though accepting that I had to do this was tough in itself, being out of work and earning nothing was not helping my emotional well being and my social life was suffering immensely.

"Oh, I see. Did you go to university and stuff? My sister wants to be a solicitor, is it worth all the years study and expense?"

The interrogation got harder. Swirling in my mind were views from folks who believed that if a person did not have the cash or come from an academic background generally, they should think twice. But who was I to trample on a young girl's dream? And the truth is, even though I was unemployed, that two and a half hours a week where I got out there to meet real clients did make it worth it. Yes, I'm one of those annoying people who is so thankful for even the smallest of things. I had to be. At that time I had nothing.

I wanted to be honest but not depressing. I told client that her sister needs to do as much work experience as possible. That if she really wanted to go to university, she should do so, even if it wasn't to study law, one cannot negate the value of the experience. I also explained the routes of entry to the profession (FILEX, GDL), and said that if her sister was going to go to university, she had to make sure it was the best university she could get into for her chosen field.

It was a chat. It was five minutes. It was draining. Thank F that was over.

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I've not really been sharing much this week. Truth is, lots has happened. The other truth is, that it could all be over. There has been work. There will be payment for it. There will be more news on whether the position continues in the New Year. There have also been interviews, and I will keep you posted.

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I've been stalking again this evening, the boy has been on my mind so I've been googling boy related stuff. The information I found was strangely sparse (considering that there should have been links to the entertainment industry) so I googled myself. I may only have two pages of hits, but they are all me, and build a picture of my last 4 years of existence.

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I've been wondering this week whether it was time to simplify me. Maybe my name is a barrier to people getting in touch because its not the easiest to get a tongue around. I had decided a long time ago that I'd drop the nicknames when I went professional, maybe its time to not be so precious about it. A name is such an important thing...

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I always think that multiple exclamation marks make the writer look a bit manic. Ok, I did it on purpose up there, but I may start adding it in an attempt to seem slightly eccentric. When did I become so conventional? I mean !!!!

Only if you went to...

Applied for a job this morning. It was one for which I had the necessary experience, and so one I felt I had nothing to lose by going for.

I got an email from the Recruitment Agency (which is actually a great thing, often RAs fail to respond at all), informing me that due to a vast response, the recruiting firm is only accepting applications from the top 10 city law firms.

I see.

It wasn't good enough that I had my own clients, rather than flicked through someone else's files;

Advised clients face to face, rather than sit in on the client meetings of others;

Undertook extensive drafting of documents, contracts, policies and procedures, rather than find the correct precedent for the partner to work with;

Completed HUGE commercial transactions with the other side, rather than being told that the project had completed and we were billing the client;

Drafted complex research which formed the basis of written advice to clients (word for word), rather than provided snippits of information on ad hoc matters;

Negotiated and drafted settlements; rather than bill the file when told it had been done;

Dealt with a whole host of marketing and financial target strategy, rather than shadow the life of solicitors and partners...

...and totally understandable that I am overlooked because of the location and name of my training establishment.

I so wish I worked for a top 10 and left with extensive experience of how to prepare and check bundles...(I got some of that too btw...)

Yes, I am bitter, but I embrace and accept it with all my heart. I am, of course, only human...

eerie goings on, its Friday the 13th...

I try not to be into hocus pocus, though I have to admit to checking a dream dictionary, and when I remember, reading my horoscope, but my recent trio of notallthatgood luck I've had over the past 4 months, did spark a memory which gave me a creepy "there's something out there" feeling.

A few years ago, I visited a clairvoyant, maybe out of interest, but probably because things hadn't been going my way - all I wanted to know (I think) was that things would be alright. So I sat in this little middleaged man's front room as he shuffled a deck of cards and tried to look pensive, and waited for "answers". YOU ARE CURSED! What. The. Fey?! He insisted. "A hex has been placed on you and its affecting your household. But don't worry, give me 3 grand and I'll sort it out." Three, thousand, pounds? That snapped me out of my I need to know the future phase! So I left, laughed about it with my parents and friends, and tried to forget it. As far as I was concerned, if I was cursed, I'd live with it...what doesn't kill you and all that jizz...

I live in suburbia, and when we've a gorgeous sunset, and I'm driving down my road, I have to admit to being in awe at how pleasant it looks, the tree lined pavement, the yellow tinged sky...{dreamy}. Outside my house we've a large tree and as the season started to bring its changes, I noticed that the side of the tree which faced my house, was bare and dead, and the side which faced the street and other homes, was still leafy and vibrant...could it be? How long had it been like that? Was it time to call a priest and get the holy water out (my nonna had already been over to pray in every room and squirt holy water (which she kept in a Highland Spring bottle under the stairs) on the furniture - it obviously hadn't done the job). Was this "a sign" that I'd been jinxed?

I have to say, that although things have generally ticked over ok, I've never really had an easy life where good things just seemed to happen and come easily (this goes for my family generally but we tick along), but things until recently were never desperate. This week however, I had the most dreadful feeling of sorrow come over me. I was at a birthday party for a 4 year old. I can't even remember what we were discussing, but I know it wasn't me or my situation. I wasn't dwelling. Nowdays I don't have to give it special thought. My eyes feel constantly full and heavy and I'm grateful that they never fail me by providing the embarrassing kind of situation where I have to tell someone who notices "what's wrong"; rather than the occasional feeling of "fuckola", fuckola has become constant, and my chest appears to lightly pound continuously.

I suddenly had a realisation, for the first time ever, that "they" got me, and I'd been "done". The belief that I could make it because I had the will, the intelligence, and the qualifications, regardless of my circumstances and how I got there had merely been an idiotic dream. There would always be something to keep me in my place. What on earth gave me ideas above my station? This has to be the most profoundly distressing feeling I've had about my situation in the last 4 months and was incredibly upsetting. So many thoughts. What exactly was my station? What exactly was I meant to be? And who were the "they" who had "won"? What was I beaten by? Am I beat? I shook it off and I've continued my daily job seeking routine but my every concern is that I'll be in this situation in a years time, and have given up on everything I had believed in, not least that hard work and determination will be rewarded.

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I had an interview this week, and will maybe have another next week. There's not much in the way of NQ positions, these are for 2+pqe roles, so I'm hoping that these employers see the potential in me which a number of people like to remind me I exude. I also started more free work, and this time it was the get really stuck in kind of work I love. I was appeased whilst I was doing it, but my default is currently unsatisfied. I am lucky. I am lucky. I am lucky. I am....

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I discovered the Education and Maintenance Allowance this week, which pays 16-18 year olds up to £30 per week to attend a course. Are they having a bubble?

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I get a knock on the door today asking me whether the car parked outside my house was mine. The Council were coming to fell the tree because it was dead, and would replant another one. Well well well.

You are now crowned...

So I tweeted about dreading the upcoming admissions ceremony to officially celebrate my admission to the roll of solicitors. I really was dreading it, not just because I've spent nearly a decade getting to this point to find myself for the first time in 14 years unemployed, but because I wasn't sure I'd be able to keep my emotions in check on the day. I've been rather good at hiding the roller coaster feelings the last 4 months have taken me on and it has started to become more difficult in the last week.

It was actually my first time at the Law Society. I worked around the corner from it for 3 years and had never set foot inside. I think part of me wondered what I'd do when I got there, whether I'd be welcome, and I'm not even sure I realised that there was a library inside.

The Society was established to offer a centre for solicitors to mirror that of the inns of court, who offered assistance and a community to the barristers who joined. I'm not sure theirs rivals those I've seen at the Inner and Middle Temples and that of Lincoln's Inn, but it was spectacular and good to see it all the same.

The ceremony had a wonderful MC who made the proceedings go without a hitch, with some light humour. Awarding the "fake" certificates was the Deputy Vice President John Wotton - it was the first ceremony where he wasn't merely a spectator. When we spoke after the event he shared that he had missed his admission ceremony, due to a client meeting that morning.

As each of our names were called, we would have a photo with Mr Wotton, and then he'd say a few words to each of us. I knew he would be asking where I was working, and my mind was spent trying to find a way to say I was unemployed, but also to put a positive spin on it (I'm currently not liking the doom and gloom which appears to have taken a grip on my brain at the moment, and especially didn't want it to ooze out of my mouth or demeanor).

"Little Lawyer!"

Oh crap that was me.

Shoulder's back, biggest smile and strongest handshake. Photo, and "so where are you working now?" "I'm currently looking for work and am hopeful that a suitable opportunity will arise in the not to distant future". There I did it. Mr Wotton didn't seem dazed, and I went back to my seat, wondering how many other newly qualifieds were in a similar position to me.

At the reception afterwards (no wine - I've noted this Law Society - I expected a glass of red at least, if we weren't going to get bubbly unless we paid for it), Mr Wotton struck up a conversation with my brother, and we got talking. I thanked him for his speech and that the day had been organised, we talked about MDPs and the market, and he wished me every success. I'm glad I went. I don't think I'd have regretted not going, but having been, I would have missed out, and it was important for my parents too. I'm official, and off I go on my merry way...

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...with a slight detour to casualty - my mother fell over whilst looking for a vase to put the flowers she and my father had bought for me, and is now, unable to even hobble...deary me.

WORK IT WORK IT WORK IT

Along with my "new" exercise regime I've had a pretty full week or so.

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The phone has been ringing with rec cons URGENTLY wanting to speak to me (go figure), and people informing me of potential openings, and telling me how wonderful my CV is. CVs have been sent out, however the phone today has been eerily quiet. I wait with baited breath (well I don't really, I continue to search, but I do so without the use of traditional rec con methods nowadays unless they get in touch with me). Still pro bono-ing.

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I decided not to renew my practising certificate. I couldn't justify the cost whilst I'm not earning, and as so far, any promises of work have not come to fruition (yes rec con who linkedmein - I'm still waiting for your call and wont be chasing again). I figure that I'll have the time to renew when a job comes my way. So now, I am a solicitor (non practising). I wonder who I'll be mingling with at my upcoming admissions ceremony to practice my new title on. Anyway, contrary to what I thought, it wont stop me from working at my local law center - yipee!

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Do you all remember my first ever blog post, which was also used as a guest blog piece for @charonqc's blog? On nepotism? Well this week I was asked to interview for a commercial property firm, which is incidentally the area of law which fellow trainee used to jump up and down over. Ironic how fellow trainee got a job in the area of law I was after and her ideal job came my way. Tempted to snap it up so I can gloat.

(Rec con who gave me the heads up about this one, also told me that the position at "Wedolaw" (see previous blog post) is still open, and interestingly, we had the same views on the kind of law firm they were. She also told me that the salary that I had tried to negotiate for myself was absolutely acceptable.)

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I applied for a pro bono role which would take me a little while to get to, but as expenses would be paid, thought it would be a great opportunity to keep working, and give something back. Had a long convo with the manager of the dept who was absolutely incredulous that I'd give up my free time to do it, especially with so much travel required, and even more surprised when I suggested that I would continue my commitment by working from home where appropriate and if I could. Manager couldn't believe that someone with such a great CV (I'm not making this up folks - her words not mine) is unemployed and said she'd be happy to have me even for a day if it meant that I'd found a job. Part of me thinks its a shame that its only when we're in need of work that we offer to give up our time for charity. A few hours a week/month isn't too much to ask of us all is it, whether we're employed or otherwise? Or maybe its that there is a lack of awareness of volunteer opportunities?

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Attended one of the freebie CPD courses yesterday. Fantastic seminar given by Wragg & Co's employment department. They seemed so happy and such well adjusted lawyers. I day dreamed throughout that it was me giving the presentation and the super lawyer life. Wragg & Co obviously care about their lawyers' well being. Already checked, no vacancies.

For the first time someone came over to sit next to me and it was really nice to have a chat. Interesting chap, barrister, local councillor, and pro bono-er. Unfortunately he zoomed off to network with Wragg & Co before saying goodbye. Never mind.

Oh and posh tea bags which do not allow peculation - what is the point? Nothing beats PG tips or Twinnings.

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Got a mention in @NeilDenny's piece in wikivorce about legal aid cuts. Sparked some personal sensitivities as on first read I thought it suggested that I was expecting too much in hoping for an NQ job at a salary higher than £20k. On second read I realise that it is an article about concerns about the future of legal aid and legal aid practitioners. Worth a read so have a look!

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That's all for now. I think. I can't imagine anyone is still reading...and don't you guys think I haven't noticed the lack of comment on my last post...