I want the truth YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!

At the last Law Centre session I worked, I had a client who at the end of the meeting asked, "are you a solicitor?" Its not an unusual question, and ordinarily a simple one to answer, but I allowed my practising certificate to lapse and couldn't be holding myself out as one. "I'm non practising but qualified". Client wanted more. "Basically I don't work for a law firm or anyone else at the moment". "Oh. Why not?"

Oh great. one of those.

"I'm currently looking for work and the market is slow".
"Isn't there anything else you can do instead?"

Suddenly my condom postered cubicle felt more like a darkened cell with no windows, and I was being blinded by having a light flashed into my eyes aka the most simple questions with the hardest answers.

"I'm sure there is but there is little work out there generally".

By the two month stage of unemployment, I had started looking at any jobs I could work. Even though accepting that I had to do this was tough in itself, being out of work and earning nothing was not helping my emotional well being and my social life was suffering immensely.

"Oh, I see. Did you go to university and stuff? My sister wants to be a solicitor, is it worth all the years study and expense?"

The interrogation got harder. Swirling in my mind were views from folks who believed that if a person did not have the cash or come from an academic background generally, they should think twice. But who was I to trample on a young girl's dream? And the truth is, even though I was unemployed, that two and a half hours a week where I got out there to meet real clients did make it worth it. Yes, I'm one of those annoying people who is so thankful for even the smallest of things. I had to be. At that time I had nothing.

I wanted to be honest but not depressing. I told client that her sister needs to do as much work experience as possible. That if she really wanted to go to university, she should do so, even if it wasn't to study law, one cannot negate the value of the experience. I also explained the routes of entry to the profession (FILEX, GDL), and said that if her sister was going to go to university, she had to make sure it was the best university she could get into for her chosen field.

It was a chat. It was five minutes. It was draining. Thank F that was over.

<><><><><><><><>

I've not really been sharing much this week. Truth is, lots has happened. The other truth is, that it could all be over. There has been work. There will be payment for it. There will be more news on whether the position continues in the New Year. There have also been interviews, and I will keep you posted.

<><><><><><><><>

I've been stalking again this evening, the boy has been on my mind so I've been googling boy related stuff. The information I found was strangely sparse (considering that there should have been links to the entertainment industry) so I googled myself. I may only have two pages of hits, but they are all me, and build a picture of my last 4 years of existence.

<><><><><><><><>

I've been wondering this week whether it was time to simplify me. Maybe my name is a barrier to people getting in touch because its not the easiest to get a tongue around. I had decided a long time ago that I'd drop the nicknames when I went professional, maybe its time to not be so precious about it. A name is such an important thing...

<><><><><><><><>

I always think that multiple exclamation marks make the writer look a bit manic. Ok, I did it on purpose up there, but I may start adding it in an attempt to seem slightly eccentric. When did I become so conventional? I mean !!!!

Only if you went to...

Applied for a job this morning. It was one for which I had the necessary experience, and so one I felt I had nothing to lose by going for.

I got an email from the Recruitment Agency (which is actually a great thing, often RAs fail to respond at all), informing me that due to a vast response, the recruiting firm is only accepting applications from the top 10 city law firms.

I see.

It wasn't good enough that I had my own clients, rather than flicked through someone else's files;

Advised clients face to face, rather than sit in on the client meetings of others;

Undertook extensive drafting of documents, contracts, policies and procedures, rather than find the correct precedent for the partner to work with;

Completed HUGE commercial transactions with the other side, rather than being told that the project had completed and we were billing the client;

Drafted complex research which formed the basis of written advice to clients (word for word), rather than provided snippits of information on ad hoc matters;

Negotiated and drafted settlements; rather than bill the file when told it had been done;

Dealt with a whole host of marketing and financial target strategy, rather than shadow the life of solicitors and partners...

...and totally understandable that I am overlooked because of the location and name of my training establishment.

I so wish I worked for a top 10 and left with extensive experience of how to prepare and check bundles...(I got some of that too btw...)

Yes, I am bitter, but I embrace and accept it with all my heart. I am, of course, only human...

eerie goings on, its Friday the 13th...

I try not to be into hocus pocus, though I have to admit to checking a dream dictionary, and when I remember, reading my horoscope, but my recent trio of notallthatgood luck I've had over the past 4 months, did spark a memory which gave me a creepy "there's something out there" feeling.

A few years ago, I visited a clairvoyant, maybe out of interest, but probably because things hadn't been going my way - all I wanted to know (I think) was that things would be alright. So I sat in this little middleaged man's front room as he shuffled a deck of cards and tried to look pensive, and waited for "answers". YOU ARE CURSED! What. The. Fey?! He insisted. "A hex has been placed on you and its affecting your household. But don't worry, give me 3 grand and I'll sort it out." Three, thousand, pounds? That snapped me out of my I need to know the future phase! So I left, laughed about it with my parents and friends, and tried to forget it. As far as I was concerned, if I was cursed, I'd live with it...what doesn't kill you and all that jizz...

I live in suburbia, and when we've a gorgeous sunset, and I'm driving down my road, I have to admit to being in awe at how pleasant it looks, the tree lined pavement, the yellow tinged sky...{dreamy}. Outside my house we've a large tree and as the season started to bring its changes, I noticed that the side of the tree which faced my house, was bare and dead, and the side which faced the street and other homes, was still leafy and vibrant...could it be? How long had it been like that? Was it time to call a priest and get the holy water out (my nonna had already been over to pray in every room and squirt holy water (which she kept in a Highland Spring bottle under the stairs) on the furniture - it obviously hadn't done the job). Was this "a sign" that I'd been jinxed?

I have to say, that although things have generally ticked over ok, I've never really had an easy life where good things just seemed to happen and come easily (this goes for my family generally but we tick along), but things until recently were never desperate. This week however, I had the most dreadful feeling of sorrow come over me. I was at a birthday party for a 4 year old. I can't even remember what we were discussing, but I know it wasn't me or my situation. I wasn't dwelling. Nowdays I don't have to give it special thought. My eyes feel constantly full and heavy and I'm grateful that they never fail me by providing the embarrassing kind of situation where I have to tell someone who notices "what's wrong"; rather than the occasional feeling of "fuckola", fuckola has become constant, and my chest appears to lightly pound continuously.

I suddenly had a realisation, for the first time ever, that "they" got me, and I'd been "done". The belief that I could make it because I had the will, the intelligence, and the qualifications, regardless of my circumstances and how I got there had merely been an idiotic dream. There would always be something to keep me in my place. What on earth gave me ideas above my station? This has to be the most profoundly distressing feeling I've had about my situation in the last 4 months and was incredibly upsetting. So many thoughts. What exactly was my station? What exactly was I meant to be? And who were the "they" who had "won"? What was I beaten by? Am I beat? I shook it off and I've continued my daily job seeking routine but my every concern is that I'll be in this situation in a years time, and have given up on everything I had believed in, not least that hard work and determination will be rewarded.

<><><><><><><><>

I had an interview this week, and will maybe have another next week. There's not much in the way of NQ positions, these are for 2+pqe roles, so I'm hoping that these employers see the potential in me which a number of people like to remind me I exude. I also started more free work, and this time it was the get really stuck in kind of work I love. I was appeased whilst I was doing it, but my default is currently unsatisfied. I am lucky. I am lucky. I am lucky. I am....

<><><><><><><><>

I discovered the Education and Maintenance Allowance this week, which pays 16-18 year olds up to £30 per week to attend a course. Are they having a bubble?

<><><><><><><><>

I get a knock on the door today asking me whether the car parked outside my house was mine. The Council were coming to fell the tree because it was dead, and would replant another one. Well well well.

You are now crowned...

So I tweeted about dreading the upcoming admissions ceremony to officially celebrate my admission to the roll of solicitors. I really was dreading it, not just because I've spent nearly a decade getting to this point to find myself for the first time in 14 years unemployed, but because I wasn't sure I'd be able to keep my emotions in check on the day. I've been rather good at hiding the roller coaster feelings the last 4 months have taken me on and it has started to become more difficult in the last week.

It was actually my first time at the Law Society. I worked around the corner from it for 3 years and had never set foot inside. I think part of me wondered what I'd do when I got there, whether I'd be welcome, and I'm not even sure I realised that there was a library inside.

The Society was established to offer a centre for solicitors to mirror that of the inns of court, who offered assistance and a community to the barristers who joined. I'm not sure theirs rivals those I've seen at the Inner and Middle Temples and that of Lincoln's Inn, but it was spectacular and good to see it all the same.

The ceremony had a wonderful MC who made the proceedings go without a hitch, with some light humour. Awarding the "fake" certificates was the Deputy Vice President John Wotton - it was the first ceremony where he wasn't merely a spectator. When we spoke after the event he shared that he had missed his admission ceremony, due to a client meeting that morning.

As each of our names were called, we would have a photo with Mr Wotton, and then he'd say a few words to each of us. I knew he would be asking where I was working, and my mind was spent trying to find a way to say I was unemployed, but also to put a positive spin on it (I'm currently not liking the doom and gloom which appears to have taken a grip on my brain at the moment, and especially didn't want it to ooze out of my mouth or demeanor).

"Little Lawyer!"

Oh crap that was me.

Shoulder's back, biggest smile and strongest handshake. Photo, and "so where are you working now?" "I'm currently looking for work and am hopeful that a suitable opportunity will arise in the not to distant future". There I did it. Mr Wotton didn't seem dazed, and I went back to my seat, wondering how many other newly qualifieds were in a similar position to me.

At the reception afterwards (no wine - I've noted this Law Society - I expected a glass of red at least, if we weren't going to get bubbly unless we paid for it), Mr Wotton struck up a conversation with my brother, and we got talking. I thanked him for his speech and that the day had been organised, we talked about MDPs and the market, and he wished me every success. I'm glad I went. I don't think I'd have regretted not going, but having been, I would have missed out, and it was important for my parents too. I'm official, and off I go on my merry way...

<><><><><><><><>

...with a slight detour to casualty - my mother fell over whilst looking for a vase to put the flowers she and my father had bought for me, and is now, unable to even hobble...deary me.

WORK IT WORK IT WORK IT

Along with my "new" exercise regime I've had a pretty full week or so.

<><><><><><><><><>

The phone has been ringing with rec cons URGENTLY wanting to speak to me (go figure), and people informing me of potential openings, and telling me how wonderful my CV is. CVs have been sent out, however the phone today has been eerily quiet. I wait with baited breath (well I don't really, I continue to search, but I do so without the use of traditional rec con methods nowadays unless they get in touch with me). Still pro bono-ing.

<><><><><><><><>

I decided not to renew my practising certificate. I couldn't justify the cost whilst I'm not earning, and as so far, any promises of work have not come to fruition (yes rec con who linkedmein - I'm still waiting for your call and wont be chasing again). I figure that I'll have the time to renew when a job comes my way. So now, I am a solicitor (non practising). I wonder who I'll be mingling with at my upcoming admissions ceremony to practice my new title on. Anyway, contrary to what I thought, it wont stop me from working at my local law center - yipee!

<><><><><><><><>

Do you all remember my first ever blog post, which was also used as a guest blog piece for @charonqc's blog? On nepotism? Well this week I was asked to interview for a commercial property firm, which is incidentally the area of law which fellow trainee used to jump up and down over. Ironic how fellow trainee got a job in the area of law I was after and her ideal job came my way. Tempted to snap it up so I can gloat.

(Rec con who gave me the heads up about this one, also told me that the position at "Wedolaw" (see previous blog post) is still open, and interestingly, we had the same views on the kind of law firm they were. She also told me that the salary that I had tried to negotiate for myself was absolutely acceptable.)

<><><><><><><><>

I applied for a pro bono role which would take me a little while to get to, but as expenses would be paid, thought it would be a great opportunity to keep working, and give something back. Had a long convo with the manager of the dept who was absolutely incredulous that I'd give up my free time to do it, especially with so much travel required, and even more surprised when I suggested that I would continue my commitment by working from home where appropriate and if I could. Manager couldn't believe that someone with such a great CV (I'm not making this up folks - her words not mine) is unemployed and said she'd be happy to have me even for a day if it meant that I'd found a job. Part of me thinks its a shame that its only when we're in need of work that we offer to give up our time for charity. A few hours a week/month isn't too much to ask of us all is it, whether we're employed or otherwise? Or maybe its that there is a lack of awareness of volunteer opportunities?

<><><><><><><><>

Attended one of the freebie CPD courses yesterday. Fantastic seminar given by Wragg & Co's employment department. They seemed so happy and such well adjusted lawyers. I day dreamed throughout that it was me giving the presentation and the super lawyer life. Wragg & Co obviously care about their lawyers' well being. Already checked, no vacancies.

For the first time someone came over to sit next to me and it was really nice to have a chat. Interesting chap, barrister, local councillor, and pro bono-er. Unfortunately he zoomed off to network with Wragg & Co before saying goodbye. Never mind.

Oh and posh tea bags which do not allow peculation - what is the point? Nothing beats PG tips or Twinnings.

<><><><><><><><><>

Got a mention in @NeilDenny's piece in wikivorce about legal aid cuts. Sparked some personal sensitivities as on first read I thought it suggested that I was expecting too much in hoping for an NQ job at a salary higher than £20k. On second read I realise that it is an article about concerns about the future of legal aid and legal aid practitioners. Worth a read so have a look!

<><><><><><><><>

That's all for now. I think. I can't imagine anyone is still reading...and don't you guys think I haven't noticed the lack of comment on my last post...

This could be the end of everything...

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when, you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

These are lyrics from Keane's Somewhere only we know beautifully written and rather poignant for me at the moment.

I've been pretty good recently all things considered, and I'm hoping that the underlying feelings are a blip in my general "I'll be ok" outlook. Problem is, I'm getting impatient (even in the face of a recent flurry of activity - nothing to get excited about - yet). I wont go into too much detail about my personal situation, but I'm starting to feel like my time is limited professionally, if I don't get cracking soon. I need a career.

I am now, officially a legal professional. But now I'm here, I have to face facts that the situation is pretty dire. In the past weeks I've met dual qualified lawyers, real high fliers, who have been out of work for 8+ months. I have to ask myself, can I afford to wait another 8 months to start my professional life, when the reality is, that I've already waited 7 years? I know I that I can't.

The big deal here, is that I'm out of ideas. I'm not sure now, what I am good for. I know I'm clever, hardworking, social and good value for money, but what else other than being a qualified solicitor have I got going for me?

I've subscribed to websites like Monster, Timesonline jobs, Guardianjobs where there are an array of career paths on offer, and I'm trying not to limit myself and keeping an open mind. No joy. But lets say I draft a CV which bags me an interview as an executive something or other. How exactly do I explain away the last 7 years and convince my prospective employer that I'm worth taking a chance on? Maybe I'll know when the time is right.

I'm not sure where this blog post is going, so I'll leave it to you guys. I've hit a wall. There must be jobs/careers that I'd never thought of doing or heard of before. Ideas required...please comment below...

Response from the Law Gazette

Following my last blog post, I was contacted by Rupert Collins-White from the Law Gazette in response to the issues I raised. I have to say that I am very grateful to Rupert for getting in touch, I hadn't imagined that my readership was that wide, but here is his response.

Because I've led on the Gazette's online and social media fronts, I believe in being 'straight' with the audience, so that's what I'll try to be below.

First, let's get this "the Gazette's looking thin" thing out of the way. The Gazette is run on a commercial publishing basis – in other words, we make money for the Law Society and we actively reduce the cost of the PC fee. We don't get subsidised. Like a lot of lawyers we kind of have to 'eat what we kill'. Obviously this year's been tough. Because we're run like any other
commercial business-to-business paper, lots of Gazette revenue comes from recruitment advertising. So, when there's a recession, and no one's hiring, there are no recruitment ads. So we make less money. We, like any other paper, operate on a ratio basis for the amount of editorial in the paper compared to the amount of advertising – otherwise the mag's costs would spiral as the number of ads came down. That's why the Gazette is thin – because it's run like a business, and business is tough right now. So, in a very real way, the Gazette 'feels' the redundancies and lack of openings in the market acutely.

Second, I take on board all the points of content you bring up – eg what the Gazette's been covering and what it allegedly hasn't – but I'd like to mount a small defence. The Gazette has a hugely broad church to speak to. Lots of people haven't been made redundant. We've got to write for law firms in the corporate sense and individuals, and a crazily broad swathe of people at that. I do need to think about what to write for people who run law firms to help them avoid making people redundant. I can't let the Gazette write about the woes of redundant solicitors all the time or all the people with other kinds of serious issues will stop reading, because it's not them. These are basic tenets of publishing. It doesn’t mean your issues aren’t serious, or that we’re not alive to them – we are.

Third, this also doesn't mean we're not writing, or don't want to write about the problems that beset those of the membership who are having hard times. Jonathan's 'diary' is something I've actively encouraged (he would have stopped after the first) because I know it's useful to the readership. Whenever there are law reports on employment issues in law firms, those are the first on the list. We covered across several pages earlier in the year the 'pastoral care' options available to solicitors (http://www.lawgazette.co.uk/features/pastoral-care-support-out-there-tough-economic-times). I always make sure our regional issues (where we cover geographic areas of the country) cover both the good and bad news in those areas. And our news team's always covering employment issues in the profession. I really don't think we've been ignoring this, though of course we could always do more.

Fourth, PII is a huge issue this year both in terms of firms and individuals. I think to badge this as 'missing the problems facing their individual subscribers' is plain incorrect, especially for sole practitioners. I don't think outsourcing/offshoring is missing the point either – it's an area that may well impact employment.

Lastly, the profession is experiencing the recession, like any other business sector, and I will continue to try to cover it as much as I can, but writing about these very important issues, to me, must be done from the 'broader perspective' (because of our readership size) – so, for example: making firms more efficient means being able to stay in business… this affects employment – inefficient firms are more likely to make lay-offs; talking about how to deal with rising PII bills is imho to talk about cost issues within law firms – which affects employment, because some PII bills can only be paid with not hiring two people, or making lay-offs.

We run 48 issues a year plus a growing web presence – and there are way more than 48 types of law work, let alone the other issues that pertain to the profession. We have to cover all of this – so we can't spend more than a few weeks per year addressing things like redundancy in the paper directly. This doesn't mean, to me, we're not addressing it.

I'm actually really heartened that you belong to the LinkedIn group and read our blogs. To me this means that our future goals of doing more than the Gazette can do in print through online will work, and we'll able to address issues like redundancy more often. However, I'd prefer to spend next year writing about recovery, and I'm sure you'd wish that too.

<><><>

Rupert Collins-White
Features and commissioning editor
Law Society Gazette

I'll keep it brief but I willl respond. I understand the commercial position of the Gazette, the purpose of my Gazette looking thin comment was to highlight that the downturn had obviously hit the paper (I've re-read my blog piece and have seen the grammatical errors which I must have missed whilst typing mid rant, plus the PII comment didn't belong there, I know it is a big issue - particularly in the light of the Gazette's recent exposure of alledged discrimination) and I didn't need my law studies to guess that all those missing pages were the recruitment pages.

I have no qualms about a balanced Gazette, but just as "most solicitors haven't been made redundant", most solicitors aren't partners and principals. We don't need to hear about the woes of the unemployed (that gets boring), but imo, there is a distinct lack of recognition of the problems facing individual solicitors (at all levels PQE) but a huge emphasis on those challenges facing firms. Yes, those managing partners and partners will find it useful to read about how to become more cost efficient, which ultimately, will lead to job savings, but again, my perception is that they take up a disproportionate amount of Gazette space.

The underlying point in my ranting and raving (although I don't think I was that bad!) was that the Law Society and SRA have known since mid August that I was going to be an unemployed newly qualified solicitor. So far, the only personal communication that I have had from them, is a letter inviting me to a conference in November "Future-proof your law firm for a globalised world: new approaches, new challenges" (£280+VAT), a letter and booking form for the admissions ceremony (a month after I'd already dealt with my place online - good to see where our money goes), and a form inviting me to renew my practising certificate. I'm newly qualified and newly unemployed. Theres a lot I don't know and a lot I don't know I need to know. Where is the Law Society and SRA when its not about paying fees and subscriptions?

The Law Society - representing its solicitors

The Law Society represents solicitors in England and Wales. From negotiating with and lobbying the profession's regulators, government and others, to offering training and advice, we're here to help, protect and promote solicitors across England and Wales.

Since becoming unemployed as an newly qualified solicitor, its been a really worrying time. Not just the whole thing about finding a job, but there are also so many things that had I been kept on would have been dealt with as a matter of course or by someone else. Important things, which could lead to all my years of sacrifice going down the pan if I forget to submit 1 form or tick a box somewhere, requiring me to jump through hoops and pay gazillions to make sure I can continue to call myself a solicitor (yes yes, I exaggerate but you get the jist).

What am I on about ? I'm talking about practising certificates, CPD points, remaining on the roll of solicitors, the kind of pro bono work I'm allowed to undertake etc... There's no one stop shop (as far as I could see) where I could get some guidance on all of these things or on things which quite probably I don't know about but need to. I made an enquiry of the SRA about some of my queries, and they passed me on to the Law Society, and I was referred to guidance on the Law Society website which was going to make it all better for me (wont mention the fact that it took around 3 weeks for my queries to be dealt with....oopsie!)

I'm reminded about all this today, as the LawGazette LinkedIn group popped up in my inbox, and lo and behold there was a blog which pricked my interest. Diary of a Redundancy is a blog formed from the collective accounts of solicitors of some number of years pqe. Until finding this, I had come to think that the Law Gazette had totally missed the problems facing their individual subscribers. Week after week its full of double, triple and even quadrouple page spreads about firms becoming more cost efficient, outsourcing, the problems firms are facing with PII, but not very much at all about those of us who have found ourselves jobless, the levels of unemployment in the industry, the problems that individual solicitors are facing and where to go for help. I can't say they ignored the fact, but considering the pages of the Gazette have been half of what it has been previously, it seemed fairly odd that something so massive was being ignored(, or maybe there is a reason why this issue is being swept under the carpet?) Well, at the bottom of part 1 of that blog, we are helpfully informed to search "Redundancy" on the Law Society website which leads the unemployed solicitor to the relevant practice note (dated 18 December 2008 no less - good that they're keeping on top of the situation).

I decided to have a good read this time, I have to decide what to do about my practising certificate as it is up for renewal on 1 November as is everybody elses. You can imagine my joy when I read

If you have not held a practising certificate for more than twelve months, you will become subject to section 12C of the Solicitor Act 1974. This means that if you wish to apply for a practising certificate, you will be required to notify the Solicitors Regulation Authority six weeks in advance of your intention.

I'm an NQ, who for the last 2 years was on the Law Society regional minimum, and with few savings to my name (which are being saved for further courses/qualifications), and now forced fork out £590 to prevent me from taking last minute offers of employment. Lucky for me, I have cost effective ways to obtain my CPD credits, but for those who have to fork out for each course they take - its not cheap.

Thanks SRA and Law Society. I didn't need that cash anyway, especially so close to Christmas. I think I feel as much love for you both right now as you feel for me *kissy*.

Itchy

There has something annoying about the last few days. I can't put my finger on it, but I'm sure that part of it is the frustration of feeling held back.

I attended a free seminar yesterday on employment relationships and dismissals. As I sat there, I realised that I was learning nothing new and my frustration continued to rise. Why aren't I out there doing my job? I can do this and do it well.

As I walked back towards Liverpool Street Station, I turned into St Mary Moorfields on Eldon Street...just as the priest was closing the doors. "No no, its ok, you don't need to open up again". I can pray anywhere but I like popping in, its peaceful, and the understated alter and backdrop never fails to take my breath away.

After a short train journey I reach my destination in suburbia. My heel gets stuck in the ground at the station, and I fall arse over tit. Ouch (and more ouching today).

Today, I've been trying to get things sorted out. The poor mobile phone service I receive from T-Mobile, the non-service I received from Soliman travel, my father's work issues, nothing has been resolved. I have to write to all of these people, but I'm sick of complaining.

Rather than crack on, I update myself on what has been going on on others' blogs, and catch up with Charon QC's the Blawg, which leads me to his piece for the ABA journal - Legal Rebels. In it Charon explains how the odds are against most BVC students (I hadn't realised that there were so few pupilages out there - nor that a tenancy was required to market oneself as a barrister) and that there are so many unemployed solicitors out there because they just don't have the intellectual capacity to do the job. If I thought that those unemployed solicitors out there were the thicko's amongst us, I may have been inclined to agree with him, and if this was 2007 and we were still riding the tide of a booming economy fair enough, but this time, I think he is wrong.

There is no doubt that the economy has led to a reduction in the number of training contracts being offered - evident from the number of training contracts being deferred for a year - this is surely going to have a knock on effect on the number of "new" training contracts being offered in 2010. And I have no doubt that had I qualified in 2007 (which I'd have been able to do had I had a trust fund/rich family/some decent career advice behind me when it mattered) that I would be hugely successful in my field and be 2years PQE without feeling that my job was at risk. But I have been unlucky. I am not stupid and I know my stuff. I want to learn and I want to excel at what I do. And some day soon, those barriers preventing me from moving on will come down, and there will be no stoppping me. In the mean time, I just have to hope that those recruiters out there realise that there is more to me than my period of unemployment, and have as much faith in me as I have in myself.

Rant over.

Falling in love again

Over the last 4 months, all I've wanted to do is up sticks and move away. First thought is New York City, I've always fancied a 6 month/year in the big apple, but I think anywhere that isn't here would do me.

I live in a suburban London borough, pleasant enough, there are estates, but I don't live in one, and I've easy access to the countryside and central London. I have a garden, I have a drive, and I'm lucky. But more and more I'm thinking this isn't for me and find myself spending more and more time at home.

Tuesday was the first meeting after the summer recess of the Industrial Law Society and I was looking forward to going. I jump in my car (Travel cards are extortionate nowdays - at least they are when you're on a JSA income), and set off on my journey. Through Edmonton, through Tottenham, through Stamford Hill, Dalston...London is looking grottier and grottier. The people, the buildings, the... and it comes into view...One Canada Square with its flashing light at the tip of its pyramid top, and look its the Gherkin! I'm now nearing Liverpool Street and my feelings move from downright dispirited to full of elation at being back in the center of this great city.

The streets, buildings and people get smarter, and things appear to have a purpose again. I stop at some lights on Cannon Street. The sky is an amazing haze of deep blue, the sun has just set and left a lingering impression on the few clouds still loitering over St Paul's Cathedral. And it looks magnificent.

I make the meeting, and love every minute. It was good to dress smartly again, good to be surrounded by some fantastic employment lawyers and judges again, and the lecture on current issues in TUPE delivered by David Reade QC of Littleton Chambers was delivered impeccably and with good humour.

Although I shot off as soon as it was over (I wasn't feeling brave enough to network that evening), I felt optimistic, excited and a renewed self assurance that I was making the right choices. I'm definitely still looking for a good time to experience life in NYC, but London and Holborn in particular, holds so many memories for me, work, study, friends, relationships, that I'd almost forgotten why I'd done it all. Deep down, I know that I'll always *heart* London, I just hope I find something to keep me enthused while I'm here.

The war - but who won?

So interview 2 with a firm we'll call WeDoLaw LLP.

Like last time, I'm early. Like last time, I'm kept waiting. Eventually I'm met. I stand up, try to walk, and have to struggle to move my right foot as it got stuck to some chewing gum embedded in the carpet. Great.

This time, arrogant partner isn't there, but is replaced by a stunning partner who had some kind of fascination with my hands.

The usual questions were fired at me, "How do you handle stress?", "Why do you want to work here?" etc etc. They told me about the position, and I have to be honest, it sounded exciting. The department was in its youth, and I would be able to shape it and I already had ideas...the first was to build up a non LSC funded case load as currently, that was the only way they made their money and I knew they were missing out on making a reasonable wad, and also giving a their clients a service that didn't leave them high and dry on the date of their final hearing.

They liked me, but reasonable partner says, "Well obviously you tick lots of our boxes but there are some things which are still missing. Firstly, you have some skills sets we need to work on" This was a reference to me not knowing how you turned a fixed fee funded case to an exceptional case so you could charge the LSC hourly rate for the work done. "Sorry Mr Reasonable, but I don't think that is a skill set I'm missing, but rather guidance I need to read on the parameters within which LSC funding worked." All it was was some reading I needed to do.

"The other concern is that you'll have a 3 hour commute. You're going to get here and obviously not be at your best." My commute has always been around that much, plus why would they want someone who wasn't their best when they got into work? Plus there are ways to manage poor performance.

"In terms of salary, we're thinking £20k" I'd done my homework, and considering the travel, considering the long office hours (which I'm not at all afraid of), and considering they wanted me to commit to staying with them for a number of years, I said "I've read some salary surveys and they put the average in this kind of area, doing this kind of work, at £28k, but I'd be happy with £25k which I think is reasonable".

Usually reasonable partner says something about how they'd invested good salaries in NQs before, and they'd either been crap at their job, or been good and left after a year. And they wanted me to stay for more than a year on £20k? I didn't get it.

"Plus our current 3yr pqe solicitor is on £28k"
"Sorry, Mr Reasonable, if I can expect to be on £28k at 3yr pqe, this isn't the place for me."

Reasonable partner shuffles a bit, and muffles something about the solicitor being a locum, and to make up for the low starting salary, they'll give me an extra review in 6 months (rather than an annual review). I asked about the bracket within which my salary may go up and they couldn't tell me. So I asked about the commission/bonus structure, as Rec Con told me that they had a great scheme, and again, ums and arrrs. That said it all.

I told them that although it sounded like a great opportunity and the kind of work and challenge I'd love, that without an idea of how I'd be rewarded for my hard work, I would be cheating myself by accepting. They wanted someone to stay for a number of years, and I could not commit to that without knowing how much I could expect to be earning. Plus they'd already pre-judged me. Because they'd had bad solicitors who they paid well in the past, they were not going to give me a clean slate and this offended me.

For the first time ever, I'd not sold myself short. I know that we're in the midst of an economic crisis, and maybe I should have just snapped it up, but I knew I was worth more than being pre judged or working for people who already had low expectations of me, and would happily see me work all hours for an unknown reward.

And you know what? I was more afraid of what people would say or think about me when I told them that I turned it down, than of the prospect of still being unemployed today. I still am worried, but I know that I made the right decision.

The battle

I decide on the way to the interview that I actually didn't want the job. I couldn't see how it would advance me professionally and was annoyed that I'd have a commute in traffic and that the salary probably wouldn't keep me in decent holidays.

I get there an hour early and decide to call a friend, who is incredibly wise and always knows exactly what I need to hear, even if I didn't know it myself. "Come on Little Lawyer, isn't this just to ride out the Armageddon?"

So I walk up the stairs to the offices and the first thing to hit me is the smell of hot food. Lunch was 4 hours ago. I sit in the small reception where there were clients waiting to be seen. They must have already been there a while. I'm seen 20 minutes late and they were still sat there.

"So Little Lawyer, I'm going to give you 30 files and by the end of the month you'll have another 20. Is that going to be a problem for you?"

This was obviously an attempt to intimidate me, so I told Mr Partner that if I wasn't intimidated on day 1 in a ridiculously busy department handling my own case load where the files were piled up on my desk when I was a trainee, why would he think that keeping me with a constant stream of work would be a problem for me.

"You do pro bono work. What's in it for you?"

"So Little Lawyer, I guess if the firm you trained with really wanted to keep you they would have made arrangements so that could have happened..."

I interrupted. I told Mr Partner that if he wanted to know why I wasn't kept on, he could ask me straight rather than insinuate all sorts of things about my capability without even knowing me. This was turning out to be more of an argument than an interview.

At the end of the interview, I left, thinking that if this place thought they were going to get blood from me they had another thing coming. I'm hardworking, conscientious, and worth every penny, but I wont be taken the piss out of when the wages don't match my new qualification.

So I thought it went really badly. I was on the defensive to the point of being rude (which isn't me at all) and must have made a really bad impression - the last thing I wanted to do. I called my recruitment consultant and gave him the bad news and was suprised to hear that they really liked me. I think I may have got the job, and all I have to do is negotiate a suitable package, but I'll know more this week.

An Interview!

I should be happy right? If for nothing else, it was my first and it would be good experience.

I make a few calls to rearrange my day, so that I can “prepare”.

The importance of preparation was drummed into me at a course I attended aimed for out of work professionals. Not only should I look the part and wear a suit (who would turn up for an interview in anything else?!) but I should practise.

I look up my course notes and start to jot things down.

1. Prepare adjectives that describe you.
Approachable, adaptable, cooperative, capable, credible, determined, discreet, diligent, efficient, responsible, sincere, trustworthy…gosh I sound boring…
2. List your strengths and weaknesses – weaknesses must be turned into positives.
Strengths: Approachable, adaptable, cooperative, capable, credible...... (you get the jist right?)
Weaknesses: Erm...hmmmm...dislikes having to make lists? Will that do?
3. Think up examples to demonstrate core competencies.
Core competencies are VERY important for anyone applying for jobs and attending interviews. I found this very helpful website http://www.interview-skills.co.uk/competency-based-interviews.aspx

Anyone who is preparing for a job interview, knows that preparation in advance is a good way to practice what you will say so that you don’t feel like you are suddenly being put on the spot, and this will help keep those nerves at bay.

So I continue my prep, but after about an hour of thinking about what I wanted my prospective employer to know about me, I had a reality check and realised that I wasn’t interviewing for a position at Linklaters. This was an interview with a little place in suburbia which dealt purely with publicly funded work. They just wanted to know that I could keep the machine well enough oiled to have the LSC cash pumping in.

Was I right? Well this is how it went…

JSA Just So Agonising...

JobCentre day arrives.

I begin by checking emails to help me to fill out the “Looking for work” diary. I only need 6 examples of what I’ve done. I’ve got a multitude of examples so try to narrow them down.

1. What I did: Checked totallylegal, Reed, Legal Prospects, Monster, simplylawjobs, lawyersinpractice, Law Gazette, The Lawyer, Times online, Guardian jobs yada yada yada…
   
2. Date: Everyday since having all this time on my hands.
3. What happened: No suitable positions, applied for 2 jobs, telephoned RC to find out more about the role, unsuccessful application, RC just didn’t bother to acknowledge application.
4. What I will do next: Chase application, continue looking, but definitely NOT get used to it.
5. When: Everyday until I don’t have to any more.

Applying for JSA was incredibly easy and not as soul destroying as I’d thought. Filled out an online form, got a call back from JobCentrePlus to make an appointment at my local Job Centre. I was told that I qualified for contribution based JSA but the entitlement would end in six months so if I wanted I could go onto income based JSA which is means tested. No thanks. “I don’t expect to be unemployed for that long – contribution based will do”. Done.

The day before my appointment, I was a touch excited to see what it was all about. Should I wear a suit? “Listen LL, you will see the lowest of the low there go as you are.” My stomach turned.

I walked through the door (hoping nobody I knew saw me) and was greeted politely by someone explaining where I should go. At my appointment my documents were in order, and there were no complicated factors so I was moved on to set up my job requirements.

I had to list 3 jobs I was looking for. There was only 1 but I guess if they wanted 3 for their computer…

1. Solicitor.
   
2. Paralegal.
   
3. Table dancer.

JUST KIDDING!

3. Civil Servant.

What hours was I prepared to do? Monday to Saturday 8am to 8pm. “Are you sure?” They hadn’t realised that they were talking to someone who wasn’t afraid of a bit of hard work. All set up, I was told to show every two weeks on the same day at 9.23am. 10.23? “The slots are 3 minutes long.”

Two weeks later and it was signing in day. This time I felt really sick. The staff are lovely, and again greeted me at the door (I ran in not wanting to be seen). While waiting, I poked my nose over my book, to look around me so I could check out this “lowest of the low” but I didn’t notice anyone with matted hair, smelling of wee, or any lowlifes who looked like they’d never done a days work in their life. They were just like me checking in so they could get “paid”.

The first time I sat with my consultant, I was asked how things were. “Not great to be honest, not a lot out there.” She was sweet, sympathetic, and said she hoped that things look up soon. I signed my signature, and that was it. Literally 3 minutes, done. Wow. An efficient government department.

This week I went through the same motions. This time my eyes started to well on the way there and I tried to suck it in. I walked through the doors of the Job Centre and again hoped that no-one saw me. As I sat waiting to be called, I noticed that I’d be seeing the same person I saw 2 weeks previously. If I’m going to see her each time, maybe I should know her name? I decided no. I don’t want to get to know her, as I wont be a regular.

“Little Lawyer!” she called me “How are things going?”

“Alright I suppose”

“Any luck?”

“No”. Dammit. I looked at her name badge.

“Is the Job Centre any quieter now?” Aren’t we told that the recession is over?

“Its busier than ever and I am rushed off my feet.” There we have it. From someone who knows. I left, again hoping no-one would see.

It has been a month. Didn’t that go quickly by. How quickly could 6 months come and go?

Have I introduced you to...?

So here I am, newly unemployed. Times are tough out there, and when I finished my training contract (just like in firms up and down the country) there wasn’t any room at the inn. There was however, room for my fellow trainee, in the department I always anchored my preference for and in which fellow trainee hadn’t contemplated before it became obvious that if there was to be any vacancy, it would be there.

The best trainee won? Maybe. But I don’t think its entirely irrelevant that fellow trainee’s father is also a partner at my training firm. Bitter? Maybe a little, even if it is understandable in the current economic climate.

But is it? Is it ok for nepotism to exist in a larger than high street law firm when faced with two, equally qualified and competent candidates? Part of me thinks it is even if it is contrary to my personal interests.

Hugely successful businesses have been built on familial connections and I think clients like it. In fact, one can even extend the definition (if I may be so bold as to rewrite the dictionary), to giving a leg up to friends, or family of friends. Isn’t it what we all do? Isn’t it the point of networking? Most of us wouldn’t think twice using personal contacts, or shmoosing about a common interest to open doors – and it is what networking sites like LinkedIn are all about.

Research by Transparancy International (discussed in an article in the FT found here at http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/eefda9de-a84d-11de-9242-00144feabdc0.html) suggests it is one of the reasons for corporate corruption. I wouldn't go that far. I mean, wouldn’t a person with a familial tie want the family business to be a success? Wouldn’t a person who got his/her job at a friend of his father’s accountancy firm want to prove that he/she deserved the role, by working harder than may be necessary? Although the latter suggests that someone else would not be so hardworking. If such an accusation was to be pointed in my direction, I would be mightily offended, since I’m annoyingly conscientious and need to know that I have earned every penny I am (or rather was) paid.

The fashionable and wider issue, is the effect nepotism has on the diversity of the legal profession. I was going to quote some wonderfully wise words from the Master of the Rolls, but came across a rather entertaining examination of the class ceiling which appears to exist in the legal field, written by student Aryan Sharahi and edited and produced by ThePurpleRobot found here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ua8MiMpak98 .

Times are tough out there, so whatever gives us the edge is fair play, and I value loyalty to family and friends. Would I have an issue with nepotism if my uncle Bob was the owner of Uncle Bob LLP, or my father golfed with the Chief Exec of Commercial Ltd? I’m not sure. What I can be certain of, is that from the moment I began my (self funded) studies, to getting and completing my training contract, it was achieved with my personal charm (yep, even the checkout job at Tesco) and qualifications (ditto the Tesco job). Granted, this gives me an enormous sense of self satisfaction, but there is a problem. One can’t live (financially, emotionally and professionally) on self satisfaction alone.

This is also my guest blog post for the wonderfully brilliant legal blog by Charon QC http://charonqc.wordpress.com/